Joey Bada$$ Says the Government Tapped His Phones After the Malia Obama Photo Leak

by Elizabeth Thompson


2013 Paper beautiful person and hater of tofu Joey Bada$$ and his Pro Era crew received enormous press attention a few weeks back when a photo of Malia Obama wearing a Pro Era t-shirt leaked online. Sasha will inevitably beat Malia out as Coolest First Daughter Ever any day now because she's Sasha and, excuse me, are you even talking to her, but in the meantime Malia reigns supreme, case closed. Bada$$ appeared on Sway's radio show Wednesday to discuss his new, perfectly titled album B4.DA.$$, as well as the media's response to the photo leak and, he feels, its general misrepresentation of him as an anti-white, police-hating Marxist. He also mentions that his phone has been tapped by the feds since the leak and that he can't sleep at night because he can hear the clicks. Oh my god, what if this is all a cover-up for the fact that Joey Bada$$ is secretly dating Malia and Obama is just looking out for his first-born daughter? What if because I've posted that sentence on the Internet Obama starts tapping PAPER'S PHONES? Or what if he's already tapping our phones? Because they DO click. Please don't judge me for how much I order Schnippers and call my mom crying, Mr. President. I've just been under a lot of stress lately. Oh god, what have we done?

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