Amy Schumer was named Trailblazer of the Year at UK Glamour's Women of the Year Awards in London earlier this week, and gave an acceptance speech that set fire to the rain. Reflecting on a red carpet reporter who asked her earlier int he night if she felt out of a place at an awards ceremony dedicated to glamour, Schumer offered, "I'm 160 pounds and I can catch a dick whenever I want, and that's the truth. It's not a problem." She went on to remember her deeply unglamorous middle school days, a time when hormones are awry and some early developers end up looking like a cross between a toddler and a 25-year-old. In Schumer's case, she lost her last baby tooth and got her period all in the same week in fifth grade: "I was just like this jack-o-lantern with tits walking around." Watch the whole, amazing video above. Amy Schumer for president.

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Story by Mario Abad / Photography by Alyona Kuzmina / Styling by Stefania Chekalina