Justin Bieber's apology narrative for the past couple of years of his life has been carefully crafted and masterfully executed, including a newfound turn to religion, a Comedy Central roast (never forget Hannibal Buress' bracingly honest assessment of the whole event), an emotional moment at the VMAs, and some genuinely good music leading up to the release of his new album. Now, there's a Billboard cover story detailing that transformation, and giving at least a semblance of a picture of what Bieber's life is actually like. Here are a few of the wackiest pieces of information from the piece, keeping in mind that, during the intervening period, his behavior hasn't been redeemed so much as slightly tamped-down. (Also, a lot of the worst stuff happens in Australia, now?)

"Appreciate You"

Apparently Justin's new way of greeting people is just to say "appreciate you," which is actually a masterful way of shutting down conversations and being condescending while appearing to connect with people. Use it at the club this weekend. (Also, this happens during a trip to church that is apparently "spontaneous," which, sure, okay.)

"Britt Meddler"

One of the critics of Jeremy Bieber's statement during the leak of his son's nudes was Bette Middler, who tweeted about how the father had apparently "abandoned" his son. When asked about this, Justin doesn't seem to recognize the woman instead calls "Britt Meddler." Hm.

Bieber cold-called Big Sean in 2011

Bieber and Big Sean have been friends for a few years, apparently since Bieber called the rapper out of nowhere in 2011. (Justin also reportedly passed on a beat that eventually grew into Big Sean's smash "I.D.F.W.U." The piece also contains this gem: ""He's building credibility as a true artist right before our eyes," says Big Sean."

"Knows her worth"

This phrase is how Bieber describes the next woman he wants to date (he's apparently trying to stay out of relationships for a while after his breakup with Selena Gomez), and it's... kinda gross? At the very least, it feels of a piece with a lot of the rest of the stuff he's been doing lately, riding the line of not-quite-squicky that "What Do You Mean" helped create.

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