After much speculation and conflicting reports, our 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, has announced that he will, in fact, be living in the White House full time.

Full time.

"Ya hear that?! Full time!" I shout from the window in front of my desk, before joining an impromptu musical number in the streets, called "Full Time!"

The president-elect, making it sound like he's "doing us a favor" by living there, cleared up the fuckery on Fox News Sunday:

"I'm going to live in the White House with my family," he said.

Martyr!!!!!!

Trump went onto confirm that his wife, future First...something Melania, and their 10-year-old son, Barron, will remain in New York and cause a daily transportation and security and financial nightmare for New Yorkers.

Barron's going to finish up school because he's got just a couple of months to go so it's a little hard to take him out of school.

We are fucked.

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