The rapper joked: "Oh my god, oh my god, my gag reflexes are leaving 'cause I haven't sucked dick in such a long time."
"I miss the D... 'boutta relapse and call this n****r," Cardi continued, sighing and staring wistfully into the distance before lovingly describing Offset's dick in vivid detail between sips of coffee.
"I want it. In my throat. Inside of me. Demolishing me. Destroying me — oh shit, I need more coffee," she whispered Gollum-like in a voice that prompted fans viewing the live stream to suggest she take up ASMR.
You might think it's odd to blow off an ex's grand gesture, then go online and wax poetic about his dick... but you'd be wrong! That shit makes perfect sense. Offset's stunt was lame as hell, but you can still miss a great lay that you don't have to go out and find.
Hm, do we think Cardi B will give in to her to cravings for Offset's allegedly gorgeous dick? Nah, we predict she'll stay strong. Dick is abundant and you know Cardi can get it, in the immortal words of Shakira, whenever and wherever.