If I were a multi-millionaire rapper who suddenly shot to fame in 2018, my first priority — first — would be stocking up on extravagantly-priced alternative milk options. We're talking cupboards upon cupboards full of almond, oat, hemp, coconut, rice, and definitely cashew milk, used mainly for lattes that would be prepared by a live-in personal barista. This is my fantasy, but to her credit Cardi B doesn't have time for such bougieness. As revealed last night on Instagram, she's a Lactaid girl.
In a characteristically candid video, Cardi explained how she has struggled with lactose intolerance in recent years. She still loves eating cereal though, and since her body "started changing at 22" she's become a Lactaid devotee. To the extent that the brand recently sent her a blue and silver crystal bowl emblazoned with its logo.
"I can't drink whole milk no more," she detailed. "I get diarrhea, I'm farting up storm… it's just not working out." She showed off the sparkly Lactaid bowl and praised its design features: "You know I made it when they sent me a bedazzled bowl of cereal. You know something, this is the perfect bowl. Not too much cereal. Not too much milk. Balanced well."
Unfortunately, when I look at Cardi's perfectly-proportioned Lactaid bowl, all I see is a missed opportunity to be sent its Oatly-branded equivalent. Sigh.