Welcome to Health & Wellness Month on papermag.com! See our attempts at being better people here.
For those of you not taking the plunge that is Dry January, it's inevitable that there'll be a night where you go a little overboard and let that beautiful-but-blah Tinder date buy you another double tequila soda. So what's a fully-salaried person to do when the promise of a drunken make-out is on the horizon of a weekday night? Do the damn thing and pay your penance in headaches and powernaps under your desk the day after, duh.
Luckily, you can help ease that hangover via the right cocktail of hydrating, vitamin-loaded fruit juices -- and I'm here to advocate a new blend that literally saved my life from a 72-hour tequila and taco binge when I was in Mexico a few weekends ago: cactus juice. Yep, that's right. The next time you're feeling like a fossilized piece of shit, try a cactus fruit aka prickly pear juice -- typically available at any specialty health store, Whole Foods or Mexican minimart. Cactus extract also works like a charm if you can't find fresh nopales in your area, which you can purchase online.
Science has also shown that sipping the cactus before drinking is also an excellent way to prevent waking up half-dead and with significantly less nausea, dry mouth and loss of appetite -- so take a page from our favorite weird Korean video star Showry and shower yourself with some "Fucking (Cactus) Fruit Juice" for optimal regret and bad decision facilitation. You're welcome?