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Billie Eilish on Body Dysmorphia: 'It Sent Me Down a Hole'

Billie Eilish, the 17-year-old who has quickly become one of today's most powerful pop artists, has never been afriad of being candid about her personal struggles.

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, the "Bad Guy" musician opened up about her battle with body dysmorphia. Speaking at length, the singer, who was an avid dancer for years, discussed how it all started with the "really pretty girls" at school. "That was probably when I was the most insecure," she said. "I wasn't as confident. I couldn't speak and just be normal. When I think about it or see pictures of me then, I was so not OK with who I was."

It was also when Eilish, who almost always appears in over sized clothing, started feeling self-conscious about her body. "At dance, you wear really tiny clothes," she said. "And I've never felt comfortable in really tiny clothes. I was always worried about my appearance. That was the peak of my body dysmorphia. I couldn't look in the mirror at all."

Studies indicate that body dysmorphia affects more than than five million people to nearly 10 million people in the United States alone, making it nearly as or even more common than obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

The increasingly rigid beauty standards and rise of social media has further contributed to the disorder making young women more conscious of their appearance than ever.

Eilish, who is also a mental health advocate, also opened up about dealing with depression and self-harm after a dance injury caused her to quit dance altogether.

"I think that's when the depression started," she said. "It sent me down a hole. I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don't have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain. When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened. But all I can think of is how miserable I was. How completely distraught and confused. Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough."

Photo via Carl Timpone/BFA

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