Ask Mr. Mickey: May 2007

Dear Mr. Mickey,
I'm in love with a powerful French man. He's disgraceful, a womanizer, balding, outrageous, but I have a yen for him. He has four girlfriends at once. I'm but a girl about town! He's only in New York twice a month. How do I dress to get his attention?
-- La Fille de Philadelphie

Dear Philly Filly,
This reminds me of a story Billy Wilder once told about people asking him how he could work with chronically problematic actress Marilyn Monroe. Wilder said, "If I wanted someone who'd be on time and knew her lines, I could hire my Aunt from Vienna. But nobody wants to see a movie starring my Aunt from Vienna." Sure, it would be great to be attracted to a nice guy who pays his bills on time and is not a dog, but sometimes a girl just needs to go to the dark place, and when you get that itch, nothing else can scratch it. Still, Mr. Mickey likes to encourage the cuties to express themselves fashion-wise, and the best way to do that is to be yourself. Trust MM, you can be a whore without dressing like one. In fact, that will make you stand out from the crowd. Once your French horndog knows you're ready to do the deed, he'll make room for you on his dance card. Please, however, remember that this guy is looking for quantity not quality when it comes to the ladies, so do not start rationalizing his behavior or fall in love with him because it will bring nothing but heartache!

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