Last month, we told you about Tallywackers, the Dallas-based male equivalent of Hooters (meaning it hires attractive men to bring in clientele with their dicks). This past weekend, Tallywackers successfully opened -- but the genius of the concept was not sufficiently rewarded in news stories with dick jokes for headlines. The local news was too shy, too timid, and simply unable to perform when it was time for them to report on the opening of this restaurant. So that this grand opportunity might not go wasted, here are some possible headlines for stories about the grand beginning of Tallywackers, helpfully sorted by angle (but not heft).

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Photography by Silvia Draz / Styling by Craig Hemming and Caitlin Forbes