As the old saying goes, a cryptic, nonsensical tweet is worth a thousand words -- and a thousand blogs -- if the account tweeting also happens to have a little blue checkmark next to it...?
Okay, so maybe we got that one wrong, but seeing as how it's Friday and we're in a "fuck it all" mood, let's just roll with that intro and round up some of the most perennially absurd, DGAF celebrity tweets, from Ice T farting to Martha Stewart being supernaturally out of touch, so that, at the very least, you can feel a little less bad about that drunken "i h8 my boss!" tweet that got you called into HR.
Did u guys see that video of Michael Jackson getting out of the Coroner van? Do u think he is alive? He hasn't been buried yet!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) August 27, 2009
i have a really odd talent. i can smell when someone has cavaties! i have never been wrong yet! they dont even have 2 be super close by me
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) August 13, 2009
I remember when I used to have to fart in my car on a date.. I would stop, get out and act like something was wrong with the tire & fart.
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) January 19, 2011
I wish it would rain so I wouldn't have to showerrrrrrr
— kesha (@KeshaRose) January 23, 2010
I just ate crocodile & Kangaroo. The kangaroo taste like steak. Croc Taste like chicken. Lol
— Ludacris (@Ludacris) February 15, 2011
im at knots berry farms n my butts 2 big 2 fit in da seats on ride. ahhhhhh (dats me yellin)
— SHAQ (@SHAQ) August 20, 2009
I want to die.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) September 2, 2012
i might jerk off it depends on if i feel i deserve it. i love me very much ill do any thing for me.
— 50cent (@50cent) November 7, 2010
I can't belive my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I'm rich fuck this I'm going home I don't need this shit
— 50cent (@50cent) August 26, 2010
My dick hurts
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) September 9, 2013
. @PapaJohns was my favorite pizza but the drivers they use give out your personal phone number to their family members.
— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) February 8, 2015
911...bush knocked down the towers
— Macklemore (@macklemore) September 18, 2009
If you are a fan, who happens to be a man, & you say "I love you" there is no reason to say "no homo" after it. It's very 2008 & offensive
— Macklemore (@macklemore) December 16, 2011
I'm so happy right now. No homo...I love new york! Pause. I'm so not gay! Fuck yea. And I'm so secure in that!
— Macklemore (@macklemore) May 19, 2009
Feels like a good day to get married :)
— Macklemore (@macklemore) June 27, 2015
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) May 26, 2015
Good luck with bookin that stage u speak of
— Rihanna (@rihanna) February 26, 2011
Pray 4 me
— Rihanna (@rihanna) July 26, 2014
.@katyperry Katy, what the hell were you thinking when you married loser Russell Brand. There is a guy who has got nothing going, a waste!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2014
Learn to make a paper snowflake visit marthastewart on Instagram So easy so beautiful
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) December 17, 2014
Here is crissy teigen and john legend on our newest issue of Weddings Cool that she is a swimsuit star too pic.twitter.com/ViXOSLxHCI
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 25, 2014
Do you think I am hip?
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) August 17, 2011
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 16, 2013
Martha, you are hip.