No two fashion girlies are the same. There's the label queen, the indie weirdo, the staunch feminist, the domestic darling and the one who's always horny. Which is why it's never been more important to tailor your fashion and fashion-adjacent goodies to the individual this holiday season. From Balenciaga posters to Namilia pussy purses, here's the definitive gift guide for every kind of fashion girlie on your list.
Christopher Kane "More Joy" Glass Baubles Set; $85
Every fashion girlie knows Christopher Kane's "More Joy" line is the best of both sex and philosophy (it's based off Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex, a sex manual published in 1972 to evolve the masses' view on physical intimacy in a post-war society), which is why they'll proudly hang these babies front and center this holiday and the rest to come.
Maison Margiela Fresh Market Necklace; Similar Style, $1,095
There's always that one fashion girlie who spends all her weekend getting her fresh produce from the farmer's market before hitting up Dover Street Market, which makes Margiela's broccoli/ asparagus/ fruit jewelry a fitting gift for your healthy friend — or for someone who needs a reminder to eat more veggies in the new year.
Fecal Matter Deathcore Genitalia Fanny; $375
Because who says dildos are only for the bedroom? Fecal Matter's black fanny pack with a silicone double-sided dildo handle (available on their Depop store) can be worn as a cross side fanny pack or held by the handle as a purse.
Chris Habana Barbed Wire Bracelet; $409
Cute-sy jewelry is all fine and well but sometimes a fashion girlie just needs something a little more... dangerous.This industrial Chris Habana bracelet fits the bill nicely thanks to severity of the barb wires, ball chains and lobster clasps.
Willie Norris FMH/LMT Socks; $15
Let your fashion girlie friend put it all out there with these authentic Nike cushioned crew socks by Willie Norris printed with "FUCK ME HARD" on one sock and "LOVE ME TENDER" on the other.
Telfar Bandana Print Durag; $90
Telfar released their first line of durags earlier this year featuring an extra long body and ties for versatile styling, which makes it a solid alternative to the wildly popular tote bags that they probably already pre-ordered this year.
AREA Crystal Chair Bag; $895
This "bag" is not physically capable of actually holding anything, but that's far from the point. Debuting at AREA's Fall 2020 runway show, the pave crystal chair is a statement toy more than anything and comes with a detachable crossbody chain so you can swing it around anywhere.
No Sesso Knit Bikini; $500
Perhaps the most comfortable two-piece around, this knit bikini from No Sesso points to a cozy summer, winter and everything in between.
Namilia Pussy Coin Purse; $70
Namilia takes pussy power to a whole other level with this cleverly shaped zipper opening and key ring so you can proudly show it off to pearl-clutchers everywhere.
Alexander McQueen Playing Cards; $120
The most stylish deck of cards you'll ever own, this stack features artwork inspired by four iconic McQueen Shows and is finished with gilded silver foil edges, all packed up in a neat sliding box with red grosgrain ribbon.
Susan Alexandra I Heart NY Bag; $325
Because "I Heart NY" t-shirts and flimsy totes are overdone to death, why not opt for something a little more special like this beaded number from Susan Alexandra, an ode to the city that's both a nightmare and a dream and which we love anyway.
Anissa Kermiche Boot Vase; $200
Yes, this is in a fact a vase so don't try squeezing your foot in it. This would look cute over a stack of fashion coffee table books while holding fresh lavenders. You'll thank us later.
Balenciaga Winter 20 Campaign "Paul" Poster; $145
One of the buzzier (and cursed) launches this year has been Balenciaga's five-toed footwear with Vibram, so why not have it hang proudly in your bedroom in addition to your shoe closet?
Burberry Check Teddy Bear; $520
I don't know a better stuffed animal.
Collina Strada Eggplant Planter Cover; $175
Apparently planter covers are thing, so why not dress up the one bamboo plant collecting dust in your living room with your new XXL eggplant friend.
Gucci Trinket Tray; $590
No... it's not an illuminati talisman, although we all know that girl. The Star Eye motif is a recurring image seen throughout Alessandro Michele's collections and is given the rainbow treatment on this small dish made from white Richard Ginori porcelain.
Heron Preston Orange VIP Raincoat; $170
We'd settle for basically anything from SSENSE's pet category, but this transparent number with hoodie carries a special place in our cold dead hearts.
L'Objet No. 69 Scented Candle; $95
Let's be real, no one is buying this for what it smells like. Can you think of a better conversation starter?
Marine Serre Crescent Moon Face Mask; $145
Designer Marine Serre was always ahead of the game when it came to protective face coverings when she introduced her now-famous crescent moon prints in the process.
Palm Angels Thermal Cup; $82
Because we all know that friend who can't function at the start of each day without one.
Jacquemus Crossbody Bottle Holder; $330
Apparently it's trendy to flaunt your thirst this year, so allow this lilac Jacquemus bottle holder to keep your friend stylishly hydrated at all times.
Saint Laurent Checkered Heart Float; $105
This heart-shaped Saint Laurent pool floatie will make the perfect accessory for any summer thirst trap. It also comes in leopard, palm tree and song note prints.
Supreme Collapsible Shovel; $115
Unless it's being used to dig up bodies we don't know about at night, this bright red shovel serves no purpose other than to be added to every collection of random Supreme goodies (and that's perfectly ok).
STAUD Pill Case; $100
This might be the fanciest pill case around thanks to its leather exterior, tortoise and suede interior, mirror and STAUD embossed logo.
Versace Travel Mug; $1,100
The day I'm carrying this it's over for Kris Jenner. Not only is it DRIPPING in crystals, but the sheer opulence of it all will blind any peasant in your path.
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