Justin Bieber is one of the most-followed humans on Instagram; his posts average a million.2 likes -- sometimes more -- with mortal denizens surfing his profile to see what the most famous pop star in the world is up to.

And if you're as well-versed in JBieb Insta K-Holes as I am, you'll know that what Canada's leading man is up to...is not that much.

"Not that much" becomes an oppressively relative concept when you're pleasantly drowning in the stratospheric fame Bieber has attained.

And with all his globe-circling travels, the countless hands of fans he faintly grazes at any given moment, these private glimpses into the singer's life are remarkably bland; most important, his captions.

They are perhaps the most brutally lifeless, but completely earnest narrations of an image ever conceived, and that's quite all right.

Bieber truly believes these very average moments are gifts to us, and wants to make sure we really get it, which makes it all the more beautiful.

It's Justin's world, and we're all just gawking.

Let's take a look at some of Bieber's most absurdly earnest Instagram captions.

Justin loves his shows.

And are his shows just silent screensavers of landscapes drenched in Autumn? Maybe that's what he does in private; just watches screensavers for hours.

Play-by-play description of this David Lynchian moment.


The devastatingly wonderful smallness of being.


Sound advice.

Live your truth. Wear wacky socks.

The shadows of mortality.

"I think the shadows make this photo look really interesting."-Bieber




Literally. So. Crazy.

He needs a haircut.

And now we know.

God's view.

We would have never guessed; thank you.

"The Great Katy Perry"


Creativity peak?



Quench us. Come 2 Brazil.

There is salvation in the media room.

You bet I fucking will.

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