In the December issue of British Vogue, an article entitled "Desperately Seeking Cleavage" (also the working title of my unpublished middle school memoirs) declares that breasts as we know them are over. Specifically that cleavage, "those magnificent mounds pushed together to display sexual empowerment, to seduce, to inspire lust or even just to show off," is over. The article's author, Kathleen Baird-Murphy, noticed a distinct lack of "pertinently pushed-up breasts everywhere from runway to red carpet" and this realization, coupled with the declining sales of push-up bras and the red carpet appearence of high necklines led to her conclusion that "the tits will not be out for the lads. Or for anyone else, for that matter." OK, Vogue, you're British, we get it!

Just the kind of typical clueless, grandiose statement Vogue likes to make to remind everybody that they do not give a shit about the magnificent variety of female bodies in this world, that they will say literally whatever to make seasonal trends seem significant, and that creating shame and lack is the key to keeping the fashion industry rolling. But don't worry, it's OK, while you work on making your breasts disappear for SS17, you can re-focus your "display of sexual empowerment" on fresh new silhouettes that highlight your shoulders, stomach, back and legs. If that doesn't work, maybe just try being Gigi Hadid?


[H/T Independent]