USA (Ralph Lauren)
These uniforms just scream "villains from a John Hughes movie." Can't you just see these two riding up to you like, "what are you doing here? I thought this ski trip was for the kids whose parents could afford it?"

France (Lacoste)
French ennui never looked so...gray.

Germany (Adidas)
Germany says, "Are you high on poppers in a Zubaz store? Because we are!" At least they're acknowledging how homosexual the Winter Olympics truly are unlike some countries.
Sweden (H&M)
The hotness of the models distracts us from the fact that these uniforms are the living embodiment of a pair of Oakleys c. 1999.

This is very couples' ski weekend in a less menacing way than the American uniforms.

Russia (Bosco)
R U serious with these schizophrenic ensembles? What are you? Prep school chic or Joe Namath in Steamboat Springs c. 1975?

These remind us of a mid-to-late '90s Central European dance music group.

Fun, fresh, nice and sporty.

Czech Republic
Basically the Czech team is going to all look like PAPER's Ke$ha cover.

This whole thing is one big Kokopelli wind chime.


Great Britain (Adidas)
These uniforms and this photo make Team Britain look like a youth gang on Skins.

We're so excited about these.

These uniforms are the Guy Fieri of Olympic uniforms.

The Netherlands
Chic personal trainer look.

These uniforms are very Peeps.

New Zealand
New Zealand just said "fuck it" and recruited a Ninja Assassin to be their ringer.