The Best/Worst Unofficial "Hotline Bling" Merch The Internet Has To Offer
Did you miss out on the official OVO 1-800-HotlineBling longsleeves and hats? Can't afford that Moncler puffer he wore in the video? Well thank the 6 God for the Internet, because in the age of create-your-own-tee sites like Zazzle and RedBubble, you and any other schlub with MS Paint can create and customize your very own Hotline Bling merch for a 1/600th of the price. Granted, sometimes when you DIY things can get horribly out of hand (R.I.P. every oversized shirt you've ever tried to cut), and "Hotline Bling" knock-offs aren't exempt. So in the spirit of Internet entrepreneurship, we did a deep dive to find some of the best worst wannabe OVO items and rounded 'em up for your viewing pleasure. Check out a few of our favorite flops below.
Meta iPhone Case
At initial glance it may just look like a phone case with the word "Bling" taped on in a font that is veering dangerously close to being Jester, but upon closer inspection you realize it's actually a self-referential masterpiece -- an iPhone phone with a "Bling" screen printed on a "Hotline Bling"-branded iPhone case. Sigh. Trust us, there are definitely better/more aesthetically-pleasing ways to reference the "you used to call me on my cellphone" line.
Copy/Paste Hotline Bling Poster
This poster is cool and perfect for any QT co-ed with a dorm room at Aubrey U, but it also kind of makes you want to barf? Where's the motion sickness warning label?
Vector Drake Shirt
Maybe it's symbolic? Drake's eyes, aka the windows to his soul, hidden by the text of the song...because he's sad? The vector illustration is a redeeming quality though, since whoever designed this paid special attention to Papi's weird hairline part.
TextEdit Hotline Bling Sweater
This sweater, while comfy-looking, screams "I bought this off the Internet from some dude who just put a white TextEdit box on their Zazzle design." Come on. You couldn't even make the background transparent? Or just use an all-white pullover if you didn't want to spend the next year lasso tooling around the letters? Or find a sweatshirt that isn't what everyone's mom wears on her morning group walk with her gals from the neighborhood? At least hit us with a crew neck.
Zack Morris Hotline Bling Shirt
There is such a thing as too many simultaneous cultural references. Also poor Zack Morris has literally been put through the worst Instagram filter on Earth.
Awkward Hotline Bling Pocket Square Shirt
This is mostly confusing because it's cropped and positioned in such a weird place. It'd be one thing if it was printed on a breast pocket, but it's, uh, not a pocket? But then what's the point of you putting it only in one strange, little side block? Is it an artistic statement? Is it supposed to represent where your heart once was? I have so many questions.
Hotline Bling Mug
A Sharpie-adorned mug to collect all your tears in. Only $3!
Hotline Bling Pillow
Cool and all, but wrong album reference.
And last but not least, we have this confusing crossover fanfic waiting to happen. Remember when Harry Styles used to call?