16 Hours...Flight attendants can tell I'm off the shits. They's a whisperin in the corridors. No I don't want a magazine but I will have a hot lemon scented towel. Thank you kindly. Guy next to me is pajammy'd down head to toe we haven't even been on here for 4minutes. That boy clearly excited about the comfy lux sleep wear. I'm going to try and discover something about me on this flight. Thoughts brought to you by the shaky warrior ð
Best Insane-Drake-Instagram-Post In a While: This one. Godspeed, Shaky Warrior. --Elizabeth Thompson
LL Cool J's Biggest Fan of the Week: This girl. Just wait until she finds out he's on NCIS. -- Evan Siegel
Most Hardcore and/or Most Insane College Basketball Fans: The men who elect to get vasectomies in March to have an excuse to sit on the couch for a month. Yes, this is actually a thing. -- E.S.
Best Excuse to Listen to Every Song Robert Pollard Has Ever Recorded: The announcement that Sony will be rolling out a new kind of cassette tape that can hold over 64 million songs. You'll even have enough room leftover to upload a significant portion of Thee Oh Sees catalog. --James Rickman
Most Bittersweet Moment of the Week: The season finale of Empire. Now we have nothing to watch on Wednesday nights. Come back, Cookie! -- TenÃ© Young
Most Inevitable Lawsuit: The one just filed by Justin Bieber's egging victim. Sorry artificially-reborn-likable-Justin, you're not out of the woods yet! -- E.S.
Best Sad-Bastard Superheroes
Most Delayed Event: Lou Reed's induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The godfather of punk doesn't need any institutionalized recognition, but hey, it's always nice. -- E.S.
Most Exciting/Confusing News: Mitt Romney is going to box Evander Holyfield. What? I'm still wondering if this is satire. -- E.S.
Most Brilliant Prank Call: This guy's call on C-SPAN in which he recited lyrics from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song instead of talking about the segment's topic: Congress' involvement in negotiations with Iran. God Bless this Man! -- T.Y.
Best Review of Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly Album: Taylor Swift's. The pop star loves her some Kendrick Lamar tunes so it's not surprising that she tweeted her review of his latest project, which dropped a week early. For the record: we feel the same way about the album, Taylor! -- T.Y.
Best Entrance: Bill Murray's on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, complete with an all-girl mariachi band and a horse. Such gorgeous gams, too. --E.T.