"The 12 Beards of Christmas" Proves That White Dudes Love Beards Way Too Much

by Gabby Bess
Photo by Stephanie Jarstad

Collectively, we must have been the absolute worst because this year Santa has cursed us all with "lumbersexuals." Despite the misleading name, a lumbersexual is not one who enjoys woodland coitus or straight up fucking trees. He's actually something far worse. The lumbersexual is the real life version of a Nick Offerman character. Ranging from "metrojack" to "advanced lumbersexual," the general gist of the look is brute masculinity signifiers with a dose artisanal twee and earth-tone Patagonia parkas. According to various lumbersexual experts, "he looks like a man of the woods, but works at The Nerdery, programming for a healthy salary and benefits. His backpack carries a MacBook Air, but looks like it should carry a lumberjack's axe." Basically, he's another mutation of the alt-bro that we've been complaining about for years. Now, he's back with a vengeance and a twist: tiny, festive beard ornaments. Enjoy or cringe at these holiday-ready lumbersexuals from "The Twelve Beards of Christmas," a photo project that somehow supports men's health and prostate cancer awareness, below.

See the rest of Stephanie Jarstad's photos here.

Subscribe to Get More