Spring Break Cocktails: A Definitive Ranking

by Abby Schreiber
10. SoCo and Lime Shot
When you were at Mizzou and Trevor from the lacrosse team bought you a SoCo and Lime shot, it basically meant you were getting a bid from Sig Ep. Too bad you didn't go to Mizzou.

9. Sex on the Beach
When you're 14, this is what you imagine you'll be drinking as a 20-year-old on spring break in Acapulco.

8. Vodka and Sprite in a 20 oz. Sprite Bottle
It's portable, it's cheap, and it's going to get you hammered because Stephanie from Gamma Phi mixes 'em strong. Good night and good luck.

7. Strawberry Daiquiri
In theory strawberry daiquiris are delicious but in practice they're not. Unless you're somewhere fancy, most of the time these things come out of a machine that your local Señor Frogs has probably had since 1993. And the last time they cleaned it out was probably 1994.

6. Bud Heavy out of a Beer Bong
U-S-A! U-S-A!

5. Tequila Sunrise
The first time you ever tried one was when you were 13 and you went on a family vacation with your mom and her new boyfriend Steve and Steve let you take a sip of his. You're not really sure if you like them much because Steve was kind of a dick but when all the rest of your friends are drinking rum and Cokes, you order one of these because you're sophisticated

4. Margarita
I can't decide which shorthand is more offensive -- margs or 'ritas -- but who cares because margaritas are so fun and festive. Actually, scratch that. You know who cares? Your blood sugar levels. Especially when you chase a couple of these calorie bombs with a trough's-worth of chicken fingers and loaded nachos for dinner. But we're not gonna food shame here. This is a safe space.   

3. Tequila Shot
It's a great one-way ticket to public make out-land. 

2. Piña Colada
There is nothing wrong with a dessert in a cup that tastes like sunscreen.

1. Corona Bucket
Cold. Cheap. Classic. And you have the added lime wedge bonus, which can double as a cheap way to add some sun-kissed streaks in your hair when you run your fingers through it and forget to shower. Hey, it happens.

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