Some Advice for Justin Bieber During His Breakdown
AndrewAndrew, iPad DJs, Girls guest stars and theater addicts:
Go big or stay home! Get full-on-crazy! You already look like a lady body builder in hammer pants on a tirade, embrace your you-ness! Drop a cover of Grace Jones's "Pull Up To The Bumper" in German on cassingle! Collaborate with John Galliano on a line of floral print bullet-proof vests for Walmart! Start wearing kilts and be the first male celeb to flash your junk getting out of your mini-cooper stretch limo! Have an affair with James Franco! We have two words for you: YO! LO!
Michael Musto, Columnist and writer of "The Daily Musto":
Justin needs to come out as a middle-aged lesbian and then all his angst will be gone!
Lady Bunny, Drag Legend:
Since I don't care for [Justin Bieber's] music or the work of other bland, formulaic "superstars," I actually think that the anyone who isn't a teenage girl who follows him and is concerned about his mental health may need a psychiatric evaluation of their own!
Peter Davis, Editor in Chief of Scene magazine:
The Biebs is going all Brittany bizzaro, hopefully not because of any white powdery substances. The gas masks are very Michael Jackson, the paparazzi fights are vintage Madonna-husband era Sean Penn and canceling concerts is trÃ©s Lady Gaga. So Bieber is basically a celebrity mash-up mess. My favorite press stunt he pulled was wearing his pants so low sans shirt that you saw his nice rear-end and his Zac Ephron-esque chest which made us all feel like less of a pedophile gawking at his smooth, young skin. I think Justin should pull a Justin Timberlake and snag a Rolling Stone cover and pose shirtless with a new haircut (the lesbian hairdo references are so passÃ©) and on the inside blame all his cuckoo antics on his bible thumping parents. A new tattoo that reads: "Sorry" in Gothic letters across his chest would also help. He should follow this up with appearances on Oprah and Ellen. His fans will eat it all up like gummy bears.