Each Friday, Page Sicklooks back on a week of ridiculous Hollywood headlines that we couldn't help but click on. If celebrity obsession is sick... put us in hospital. We're unwell.
Today is Friday, and it has been a long week. So let's cut through the bullshit: Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes, two cute young popstars with a sexy new song that has failed to overtake "Old Town Road" on the charts, are just! friends! No matter what the stan theories would have you believe.
Cabello and Mendes have been photographed together for years, but since releasing "Señorita" they've taken a lot more paparazzi opportunities. This week's timeline: Cabello hung out at Mendes' LA concert on both Friday and Saturday nights, posting a gushing Instagram story about how much she enjoyed herself. Then a fan filmed a video of them cozying up together at a diner at 5AM on Sunday morning, which means they spent the whole night… talking, as good friends do. Throughout the weekend, the singers were photographed hugging and holding hands during the daytime by paparazzi. Both looked cute and incandescently happy.
To be frank, no boyfriend has ever made a woman look this carefree and joyful. Camello and Mendes are definitely just hanging out platonically, laughing it up at our expense, thinking about their streaming profits. Good for them! But don't for a second think any of it is real. Both singers are fairly private about their love lives, and when you're rich and famous and in your career prime, it's easy enough to hide away from the cameras if you feel like it. By being seen publicly together, they clearly wanted to send a message: "Buy our single." Sorry.
Here's what else famous people were up to this week.
Anyone doing a free one-month Amazon Prime trial thing at the moment? You're in luck, and can watch a brand new live Taylor Swift performance in full, right here. For everyone else, here's a summary: the singer/songwriter maybe shaded her nemesis Scooter Braun during the show, which took place Wednesday night in New York. It was Swift's first public appearance since their weirdly complicated beef hit headlines, and her first-ever performance of new queer-friendly single "You Need to Calm Down."
Swift's stans theorize there were not one, two, but threeinstances where the singer shouted out her nemesis during the Prime show. For a start, she kept talking about her own songwriting skills. "One thing that has been really wonderfully consistent throughout the entire time that I've been making music is that I write all of it," she told the crowd in between tracks. Many are interpreting this as a callback to that now-infamous Tumblr post in which she called out Scooter Braun, in which she talks about "music I wrote on my bedroom floor."
Twitter also went off when Swift finished her set with 1989 anti-hater hit "Shake It Off," which famously addresses itself to "the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world." Swift supposedly placed more emphasis than usual on these particular lyrics, as a kind of coded message to her supporters in the feud. But also, this song also just... sounds kind of shout-y, doesn't it? I don't know.
After the Scooter Braun beef broke out, Taylor stayed logged into Tumblr and started "liking" a bunch of Swiftie posts supporting her decision to attack the sale of her master recordings. Now, post-Amazon Prime performance, she's back at it — hitting the heart on everyone's theories that she was talking about Scooter on stage. So that's... pretty much confirmation, I guess. The beef is still on.
It is insane that anyone on Twitter would dare make fun of Chrissy Teigen, the platform's undisputed queen. But that's what happened earlier this week, when a troll turned a photo of the swimsuit-clad model holding her son, with John Legend sitting behind her, into a meme. The caption? "When it suddenly hits you that your lady doesn't have any ASS."
In her initial response, the ever-hilarious Teigen took a light-hearted approach, retweeting the meme and writing, "It's been 13 years and he knew the first night we met :)" But as scrutiny got more intense, she got understandably madder.
"Everyone so used to ass shots and photoshopped instagrams. I've had no ass forever - is this new news to some of you?" she wrote, before adding, "Fuckin lames wouldn't be able to stop blabbering if I got my ass done either. bored as all hell, never can win!" All good points. Leave Chrissy alone, you clowns.
Miley's feminist activism confused Instagram
Unpredictable country pop angel Miley Cyrus dropped the latex-filled visual for her latest SHE IS COMING single "Mother's Daughter" earlier this month and she's been busy promoting the video on her socials. One post, making the (very basic, first year liberal arts degree) proposition that virginity is a construct, deeply confused some fans.
"There's nothing wrong with being a virgin," as one commenter wrote. "There's something very wrong with people who think being a virgin is a problem." Others proceeded to tell Cyrus to "respect people's choices" and even went so far as to accuse her of "shaming" virgins. As some of her defenders explained, Cyrus was likely addressing the fact that women shouldn't be punished or slut-shamed for "choosing to do what they want with their own body" — a message that we can definitely get on board with.
Miley is yet to address her critics, and don't expect that to change.
The tragic, sudden death of 20-year-old Disney Channel star Cameron Boyce shocked his fans and famous coworkers last week, especially when the LA coroner's office failed to confirm an official cause of death. His family revealed on Tuesday that the actor died in his sleep of complications relating to his epilepsy, raising awareness of an often-overlooked medical condition.
The world got to know Boyce as Luke Ross in the Disney Channel series Jessie, as Carlos (the son of Cruella De Vil) in the Descendants TV movie franchise, as well as for his roles in Eagle Eye starring Shia LaBeouf, Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2. He'll have posthumous roles in Descendants 3 and a new HBO show called Mrs. Fletcher starring Kathryn Hahn. The likes of Adam Sandler and Michelle Obama have paid tribute! Our thoughts are with his family and friends.
Bonus round: What was Beyoncé doing at the Grand Canyon? Investigating Billie Eilish's tweenage bedroom. Lady Gaga is a beauty guru now! Can you believe Kulture just turned one?
Photo via Getty