Mr. Mickey's Super Bowl Diary: Johnny Knoxville, Jumbotrons + Mrs. Field's Cookies

by Mickey Boardman
I wouldn't exactly say I'm a sports fan but when my friend, Jackass genius, Johnny Knoxville asked me if I wanted to go to the Super Bowl, how could I say "no"? I met him at his hotel and quickly realized that my delusions of being famous are just that -- total delusions. Everywhere we went that day, hysterical fans yelled Johnny's name and asked for photos and basically made a big stink over him. It's fun seeing full-grown straight men get hysterical over the star of Bad Grandpa.

I went with Johnny and his wife in an SUV to MetLife Stadium and shockingly there was no traffic at all. Getting there early gave us time to wander around the Coaches Club before settling into our fabulous seats in the sixth row, on the 30-yard line. We were pulling for the Broncos because Peyton Manning went to the University of Tennessee and Johnny -- surprise, surprise -- is from Tennessee (hence the name "Knoxville"). Sadly, it wasn't a great day for Mr. Manning.

Even if you don't know anything about football, there was an excitement about being there and seeing 82,000 fans freak out. Right as the game was starting, I noticed that they flashed Johnny and his wife, Naomi, and I on the Jumbotron. Luckily I had taken off my coat and was wearing my L'Wren Scott sparkle cardigan. Let me tell ya, sequins look great on the Jumbotron.

I was expecting nachos, mozzarella sticks and all kinds of other rotten, Super Bowl tailgate food. Unfortunately the Coaches Club was a bit more sophisticated with tacos by Jean-Georges and sushi by some fancy chef. That said, I had an order of french fries and two big Mrs. Field's cookies.

Former Paper Cover Boy Bruno Mars knocked everyone's socks off at Half Time. Naturally as a raging homosexual, I was disappointed not to see past Super Bowl goddesses like Beyoncé or Madonna but Bruno is an amazing performer and really drove the crowds wild. As did the Red Hot Chili Peppers who look like they haven't aged a day.

There was a moment of excitement when my new boyfriend, Eric Decker, caught a pass. I was so proud we included him in our "Best Butts of the NFL" story.

Since things looked hopeless for the Broncos, we left at the beginning of the fourth quarter and, thank god, there was no traffic yet. The New Jersey police had the craziest uniforms though -- they looked like they were Bulgarian border guards or something.

Photos by Mickey Boardman and Naomi Nelson

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