Channing Tatum is People's Sexiest Man Alive. Here is his totally unsexy, modest-but-still-totally-sexy-because-he's-so-modest quote about what went through his head when he found out he won this illustrious title: "My first thought was, 'Y'all are messing with me. I told [my wife] after we'd been in the bathtub washing our dogs because they'd gotten skunked." [via Gawker]

An ABC affiliate in Denver accidentally showed this doctored cover of Paula Broadwell's All In while covering the utter fuckery that is the Petraeus scandal. [Gawker]

Joe Biden's going to be on tomorrow night's episode of Park and Rec! First, watch this clip of him on Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego from 1993. He looks like a million damn crime bucks. [Buzzfeed]

Amy Poehler's excellent fancy pizza recipe. [PleatedJeans]

Nick Offerman's very special Movember PSA: "It Gets Fuller." [DailyDot]
Snoozin' pig, snoozin' pug. [Reddit]

Though even bothering to review Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant feels like irresponsible journalism on the part of the New York Times, Pete Wells' evisceration of Guy's American Kitchen and Grill is a must-read litany of withering rhetorical questions for Fieri. Our favorite: "Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"  [NYT]

Electric guitar squeal, air punch. [via WTFSoFunny]

Zooey Deschanel, the blond days. [TallWhitney]

Don't buy iceberg lettuce. [ThisIsntHappiness]

Head's up, everyone. [TheClearlyDope]