Yesterday, police in Portland, Maine arrested a man who stood in the middle of traffic, dressed like a tree.

Yes.

Good, good.

The arboreal fraud was revealed to be a 30-year-old man named Asher Woodworth, who told authorities (after some foliage was removed from his face) that he did it to experiment with disrupting people's "natural choreography."

I hear you, boo.

Here's his (very sexy, very Maine man) mugshot:

Thank you, Asher, for this fleeting, glistening, pine-washed glitch in the hell-trench prison we're tethered too each moment.