KOOL A.D. Forecasts Your March Horoscopes

by Kool A.D.

Trouble with love? Work problems? Mercury retrograde? Don't worry. Rapper, author of the forthcoming novel O.K. (Sorry House), and expert astrological navigator, Kool A.D. will safely guide you through the coming month.



LIBRA



Ur gonna spend some time apart from whoever it is u been spending hella time with recently. It's gonna feel weird to not have them around all of a sudden, but just embrace that. Stretch ur legs and take a swim in Lake You, feel me? Try to literally go swimming, too; being around water will be good for you. Seek out Pisces, Scorpio and Cancer. If u can't find any of those, Gemini and Aquarius will do. Mercury Retrograde threw u for a loop last month and u went thru some growing pains, but ur turning a corner now. Basically remain calm, don't trip.



SCORPIO



While it might just be the next town over or hella miles away, ur gonna travel this month. There's gonna be a lot of distraction, but stay focused on the things that matter: family, friends, the long-term success of ur personal aspirations, etc. This is a prime time to create. There's gonna be a lot of greasy food being presented to u, so opt for the salad whenever possible. Ur gonna be around a lot of drugs and alcohol, but stay level headed. Stay hydrated. U might get in a fight, so remember that it's OK to fight dirty. Just remember u get less jail time if u slash instead of stab. But really tho, stop the violence, increase the peace. Read Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón.



SAGITTARIUS



Ur gonna be up to ur neck in pussy (or dick, whatever ur preference) this month. Try to be safe, but there might be a situation in which u really feel justified in hitting it raw and, u know what, that's not even my call to make. Maybe u wanna roll the dice on that one, who knows? Just don't be mad at ur boy if that doesn't pan out. Breathe deep, stay hydrated and alert. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu. If u already read it, read it again.



CAPRICORN



Last month I told u to listen to music made by black women but I didn't really elaborate on which ones. I'm gonna run thru some of the black female artists I recommended to Taurus in January and add a few more: Celia Cruz, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Dawn Penn, Janet Jackson, Apollonia, FKA Twigs, Kelela, Sza, Tinashe, Kehlani, Dej Loaf, Gangsta Boo, Missy Elliot, Erykah Badu, Solange, Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland, the other chick from Destiny's Child, Teyana Taylor, Sade, Monica, Brandy, SWV, Tecla, Azaelia Banks, Ciara, Ashanti, Aaliyah, Lauryn Hill, Mary J. Blige, Nicki Minaj, Patra, Lady Saw, Suga-T, Bahamadia, Jill Scott, Jaguar, Ursula Rucker, Rah Digga, Eve, Lil Kim, Mystic and hella other ones, but I'm getting bored now.



AQUARIUS



El gobierno de José Miguel Gómez fue muy criticado por algunas concesiones de servicios públicos y de leyes muy discutidas en la época, como la autorización de las peleas de gallos y la lotería nacional, así como por escándalos de corrupción, el recibió el mote popular de Tiburón ("cuando se baña salpica," en alusión a la repartición de cargos públicos entre sus allegados).



PISCES



Listen to a lot of Fela Kuti this month. Maybe some Future. Try sniffing cocaine.



ARIES



Read Caucasia, and/or Symptomatic by Danzy Senna. Read Krik Krak by Edwidge Danticat. Read some Zora Neale Hurston essays. Read that collection of James Baldwin essays. Read Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith. Read War Talk by Arundhati Roy.



TAURUS



Read the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante. Next time u order white wine, consider getting red wine instead.



GEMINI



U know what time it is? Grind time. Hustle O'clock. Win Thirty. Finesse Fifteen. Quarter to Fleek. Wrist Wrist Wrist, feel me? This month ur gonna need to be whipping work. U should probably be in the kitchen with soda. Ur gonna need to tell those around u to let that boy/girl cook, that boy/girl being u. Two words: ECSTATIC LABOR, feel me? Don't waste time and energy on negativity, channel that energy towards positivity and creation. Don't be afraid to be a little selfish.



CANCER



Last month, Merc Retro was mellow for u. Matter fact, u ended up coming out on top of that one. Even if at first glance u don't think so, u did. U'll see. U really did the thing. U killin' the whole game. Have a celebratory beer, with a Scorpio if possible.



LEO



Shit's gonna be crazy for u until mid June and then it's smooth sailing after that. To quote Sam Jackson in the seminal 1993 dinosaur film, Jurassic Park: "Hold onto ur butt." You should maybe re-watch that movie, I bet that holds up. Yea u should get hella stoned and watch Jurassic Park. Shit, I might do that too.



VIRGO



U know what white dude is OK? Neil Young. He a fool, man. Two other good white dudes are Van Morrison and Marc Bolan. I don't know why I just thought of that. Anyway, this is a good month for travel and swimming for u, so try to do either or both of those things. Stay positive, do u and drink a lot of water.

Subscribe to Get More