Julie Klausner is on a mission to pet the Bush's Beans golden retriever mascot, Duke. She tweeted some petting requests to Bush's but the company foolishly thought she'd just settle for this photo instead. Understandably, she's not giving up until she's actually all up in Duke's silky, bean-enriched mane. There's even an incredibly ambitious Facebook petition for Klausner to pet Duke and everything. Let's just hope that someone captures the encounter on film -- we'd definitely roll that beautiful bean footage. [Huffington Post]

Here's Gary Oldman doing a dramatic reading of R. Kelly's memoir, Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. What up, baby. [DailyBeast]

This, is the first photo ever posted on the Internet. As I'm With Kanye points out, it's very Dooneese, right? [The Atlantic]

This squirrel just needs a light... [VintageGal]

Your Wednesday bitch-spiration. [TheClearlyDope.]

A real photo and real caption on Martha Stewart's blog. [RatsOff]

Penny for your thoughts, Batman? [TheInerneter]

Spotted in Olsztyn, Poland. [ThisIsColossal]

Cat bath = pentagram. [TheAwesomer]

Taco Bell was like, "Not today, gurl." [Reddit]