America, known for it's it's keen focus on assessing those who want to be its future leaders based on their qualifications, intelligence, and policy experience. Sorry, wait, that's not right. Did I say policy experience? I meant penis size.
If you subjected yourself to last Thursday night's Republican primary debate, you might remember this particular gem. Donald Trump took the opportunity to reassure people that, despite what Marco Rubio might have said about his hands, he has a penis and it is definitely not small, thank you very much.
The folks at creative team 4REAL, along with Phillip Fivel Nessen and Tom Galle, saw that what our country really needs is a simple, graphic way to share our opinions about the various presidential candidates, and what better metric than who has the biggest swinging dick? Thus, the Presidential Penis Poll was born. Go, drag a phallic barometer, and vote on how many inches the remaining primary candidates are packing.
If the results at publication are anything to judge by, people believe Trump, guessing he's somewhere just north of six inches. But he pales in comparison with field leader Bernie Sanders who's running away with it with an impressive nearly nine inches. Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, is outswinging almost the entire Republican field at a healthy 6.3 inches. (The poll offers no indication if those are intended as real or metaphorical inches.) Time to go do your civic dong duty and vote.