eHi, I'm Alex and I'm (still) a Britney Jean Spears addict. Over the past two decades, I've suffered from the many classic side-effects of being a career Spears-aholic since my days as an obsessed tween -- like, calling her assistant's home number on Christmas Eve, befriending former Crossroads co-stars, ex-back up singers, dancers -- it just gets darker from there. Still, I'm not ashamed. In my darkest, teen, not-a-straight, not-yet-an-out-of-the-closet-gay days, the holy Spear-it was my guiding light and saving grace. And I am forever grateful to Britney for being there for me during those days. Though my devotion to her has never waned in recent years, I've become slightly less fanatical in my Godney worship. I've grown up. I've made room for a few more pop icons in my room besides Britney, like Patti Smith and Ginger Spice. My horizons have expanded. But you should believe me when I say I know my shit. And I am certain another Britney/Madonna collaboration is on the horizon.
Hear me out.
As I've chronicled on this site before, Britney Spears' self-run instagram is a magical wonderland of inspirational quotes, bad mystical swap-meet art, blissful leaf painting, and Einstein stanning. If you aren't following her account, you're not living. Among recent uploads of winged lions and a shout out to Leonardo da Vinci, most of Spears latest posts have been about rehearsals for the next round of her Vegas "Piece Of Me" shows.
A couple of weeks back, Britney posted two very shit-lit videos of her and her army of slaying, pelvic-thrusting back-up dancers undulating to the fan-favorite electro ballad "Breathe On Me." Britney aptly selected a salacious select few "Breathe On Me" lyrics for her caption: "Just put your lips together and blow…" The Britney Army's minds collectively melted.
A few days later, the Queen of Pop posted a selfie with a bedazzled Chanel whistle resting between her perfectly-pouted lips. The caption: "Just put your lips together and G.L.O.W."
Two days following Madge's post, Brit-Brit posted a portrait of Madonna's mug with the caption "one and only @Madonna" This means something. It must! (And It has nothing at all to do with me being out of my RX refills.)
First of all, the timing couldn't be more perfect for an iconic collaboration. Britney is working on her followup to "Britney Jean." She's also got the second leg of her residency, which kicks off tonight in Las Vegas. A promo image for these new shoes features a stunning/snatched Britney serving sultry face and everything perfect. It promises to be "REMIXED. REIMAGINED. STILL ICONIC."
Plus, the kweens owe us after making us deal with those tragic "collabs" of late with non-iconic pop starlets. Taylor Swift playing guitar while dramatically shaking out her mom bob as Madonna crooned out a just-ok song from Rebel Heart hurt my feelings. But Iggy Azalea being in the same room as Britney took the "Oh, no she didn't!" dry-ass cake. Hell no.
Still, you gotta thank "Pretty Girls" for the return of Britney pre-K-fed: in charge, vibrant, sure of her self. I believe the online outrage from the #BritneyArmy paired with the crickets from the rest of the world as a result of that collab pushed Britney to awesomeness.
Meanwhile, Madonna is currently living for love or whatever in Asia on her really good "Rebel Heart" tour, and the tour will probably be extended through forever. With Madge on the road and Britney re-launching her residency and theoretically putting out new music this year, a collaboration seems inevitable. Besides, the two have been paying homage to each other in their live performances for years:
It's only a matter of time until Britney reunites with her royal Madgesty. I'm telling you.
Until then, join me in the fantasy.