An intrepid journalist from New Zealand's Newshub has made what appears to be a bombshell revelation: Lorde was the admin of an Instagram account dedicated to onion ring reviews, @onionringsworldwide. This is why investigative journalism matters, people!
Let's review their evidence, shall we?
- The Followers: This account had a scanty 24 followers at the time it was discovered, which includes Lorde, her bandmates, and several of her friends. Hmmm...
- The Locations: The onion ring review locations appear to mirror the locations of Lorde's tour schedule. For instance, the tempura onion ring, which was eaten "ceremoniously" on a plane from Tennessee to New York links up perfectly with Lorde's trek to Bonnaroo.
- The Language: Newshub argues that this account is more likely to be Lorde than one of her random bandmates because who TF else on earth would say they ate a tempura onion ring "ceremoniously"? Also, the spelling of 'flavour' with the Kiwi 'u' is a dead giveaway.
- The Fingers: The hands displaying the onion rings have very short, tidy nails LIKE A CERTAIN AGELESS NEW ZEALAND POP WITCH WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE.
It appears Newshub may have flown a little too close to the sun on this one, because when they asked Lorde's management about her involvement in the account, it was immediately shut down. Fishy. Very fishy.
We hardly knew ye, @onionringsworldwide! We can only hope that once the heat dies down, Lorde will quietly return to Instagram to warn the world of Burger King's bitter, mulchy onion rings.
Splash image via Instagram