Fake Karl Returns to Discuss His Fall 2009 Haute Couture Collection

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For my seasonal post-Chanel Haute Couture tête-à-tête with "Fake Karl" of the hilarious cult read in fashion circles -– Karl Lagerfeld's Guide to Life (recall his rather hilarious take on the masterfully cut, entirely black-and-white Spring 2009 Chanel couture collaboration with Japanese hairstylist/milliner Katsuya Kamo) –- Karl discusses his Fall 2009 HC presentation presented this week in Paris, expounding on his innate glove-wearing kinship with Michael Jackson and the rather grave importance of plush sofas.

Who (or what) were the main influences of your asymmetric Haute Couture collection? Pardon the pun, but can you take us through the long and short of it?
You know, an assistant of mine was just on style.com and I was looking over his shoulder -– there was an advertisement selling "$99 Chanel Handbags." We do not sell $99 dollar handbags! We don't make things for the poor, we are not a charity.

Anyway, I was inspired by Superman. Making a kind of Parisian Superman. Or perhaps we should say Superwoman, hm? It's very impressionistic: like Superwoman in Paris would be; nobody would ever see where she actually was. She could be in one bedroom, and into the next! And the men would wonder if she'd ever been there at all. Actually –- maybe we're talking about Nietzsche's idea of the "superman," yet with the added Americana "feel" to it. It all came to me in a dream: I was sleeping in order to generate a collection, and Nietzsche came up to me in a Superman cloak, behind him trailing a line of models. So that's how the collection came about.

What prompted you to switch the venue back to the customary Grand Palais (as opposed to last season's Pavillon Cambon-Capucines)?
I don't think giant bottles of Chanel No. 5 would fit anywhere else. In reality, I had wanted to fill them up with Chanel No. 5 perfume and have it dropped with helicopters everywhere throughout Paris so the entire city would smell pleasant. But apparently some people could die from that, and when people die it's not considered very "pleasant." So we went back to the Grand Palais, which is essentially the medicine cabinet of Chanel: so obviously, that's where bottles of Chanel No. 5 would go.

Why did you provide the first two rows with plush sofas?
Many of the Chanel couture clients are getting quite old; if they're going to keel over and die, they'd best do it on a plush sofa.

Many have speculated that your twentieth look (donned by campaign face Heidi Mount) and multifarious forms of gloves marked a tribute to the late great Michael Jackson; can you confirm/deny this as such?
I feel a certain kinship with him, as we are both glove-wearers. I feel that glove-wearers have to stick together, because there are many non-glove-wearers out there and they're rather viscous.

With belted tabards, Gothic-era lace tights, tailcoats and trails galore, asymmetric hemlines, vividly-hued fairy tale florals... what originally inspired such a pronounced Medieval tenor?
We're hardly living in modern times, hmmm? The times these days are more medieval than ever. Why, yesterday when I walked past a television there was a man in stocks. When I walked past the next television –- I was being interviewed for a television show –- it was a terrible television show where they put people in a room to sing for three people: as if they were kings and queens. And I heard that there was a woman running for Pope last year in the United States. Or president. Or something of the like.

The bell-shaped hat silhouette leitmotif played a major role throughout the couture collection; was this inspired by your travels? ... history? ... architecture?
When I was younger, I lived near a church where the bells tolled for about three hours every morning. Until, that is, I detached the bells from the tower from which they resided. I was like the Phantom of the Opera cutting the chandelier. The leitmotif is kind of a tribute to that. I'm not very apologetic to the church, though. They annoyed everyone. The bell is a very chic shape, but not when it tolls. Then it is clichée at best, irritating at worst.

Much has been made of the scintillating sequence of outlined-bosom beige ensembles (that conceivably echoed Nicolas Ghesquière's most recent draped effort for Balenciaga). Why the sudden breast fête?
Everybody has been so bothered with the shoulder thing as of late: Margiela, et al. I thought the breasts were a bit more interesting... despite being asexual myself. Nobody pays attention to the breasts in fashion; even bikini designers forget that a woman has breasts, and quite often send off their designs with only the bottom component designed. Those demode bikini designers would, of course, have designed a shoulder component for the bikini as well. Probably made out of that material that they make beach balls.

Were there any reasons in particular why you opted for 3/4 sleeves as a recurring theme?
They're very mysterious, non? On a more practical level: some people can't afford a couture dress every season, so a dress with 3/4 sleeves also works well for winter.

Any comments on your main man Baptiste's finale snowy bridegroom with Lara?
They are like Barbies, hm? But remember, Barbie got a divorce.

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