New Blog Alert! Introducing "Eat Your Heart Out"

Eat Your Heart Out is a new PAPERMAG blog penned by the lovely and talented Melissa Seley dedicated to all things food. From lists of the best Japanese steak knives and rooftop BBQ libations, to ruminations on whipped cream and old school canteens, nosh-worthy trend reports and eaters' guides to the world, it's the one-stop alimentary blog for the curious-minded, the novice and the connoisseur alike. Coming soon: The Biblical Chef and The Haute Milkshake: The Next $6 Cupcake? But first....

TOP 5 THINGS TO DO WITH A BLOOD RED BEET

From Main Street to Wall Street for far too long here in the USA, beets have gotten a bad rap. Whether through an almost exclusive tie to Borscht, the threat of stain, or Michael Scott's rant against Dwight's profitable beet farm on The Office ("Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like?"), these nutritious roots have been discriminated against across the board. Cast off your cold soup notions: It's time to make a change. This fall, you've got five new reasons to give beets a chance.

#1: KISS AND MAKEUP
The same ruby red juice that's graced the lips and cheeks of the likes of history's great beauties -– think Cleopatra –- can be tailored at home to suit your cosmetics fancy. Some suggest stirring beet juice with vegetable gelatin over a double boiler. If that appeals to you, have at it. For a less fiddly option, grab a mini-jar of Vaseline at Rite Aid or better yet, of organic beeswax, and add beet magic drop by drop, blending and testing as you go to achieve your desired hue. Store the itty-bitty pot of charm in a cool, dry place like a nightstand in your bedroom (as opposed to the damp hotness of a bathroom) and it will keep you looking naturally stunning for up to six months. You might even keep an eye out at thrift stores for dainty jars and make a batch of stains to give away -- quite possibly the cutest DIY holiday gifts since the dawn of Shrinky Dinks.

#2: ROAST THEM IN FOIL
Next time you're at the farmer's market (where the edible roots are in wild bounty at this time of year), at your local Whole Foods, or wherever it is you buy your organic veggies, pick up a bundle of beets. Look for the smaller ones, with greens attached if possible. Beets come in lots of colors now, though the betacyanin that gives the red variety their rich blood tone is clinically proven to fight cancer. Once you've got your beets home, wash them and chop the greens off to about an inch above the roughly skinned bulb. (Reserve the greens and cook them like chard if you like.) Wrap each bulb in foil and put them in the oven to roast at 400º for an hour or so. You'll know they're done when a dinner knife pierces through with little fight. Peel and slice the beets you want to eat pronto, glorying in the glamour of their jewel-tones as you go. Douse the slices in butter, an herb vinaigrette, or with a splash of lemon or orange juice and walnut oil. Keep whichever beet bulbs you don't use in the fridge and repeat whenever your heart desires.

#3: DO OR DYE
Whatever you ending up being for Halloween, God knows the uses of a blood red beet dye are manifold. In the name of all things organic Goth, and of turning whatever is white into pretty red rose, here's a set of simple instructions:

-Cut a couple beets in big chunks, wrap them in a bundle of cheesecloth and secure with a rubber band.

-Drop the bundle into a big pot of boiling water and leave them there for 30 minutes.

-Turn off the heat and remove the bundle from the water with tongs, or if you're wearing rubber gloves (and you may as well so as not to stain your fingers), your hands.

-Wet with clean water and wring out whatever fabric item you want to dye.

-Stick the fabric item in the pot and leave it there for an hour.

-Remove your new blood-red beauty and let it dry in a layer of paper towels.

#4: FIGHT THE BLUES

Remember those beets-in-foil you stuck in the fridge for later up in #2? They may come in handy whenever a nasty hangover or case of the Sunday blues strikes. Maybe it's the combo of potassium, blood-pressure-lowering nitrite and liver-detox-agent betaine… or maybe it's just the restorative potency of something cold, sweet, hydrating and healthy down the gullet. The best research to prove the cure? A couple bites of cold beet slices sprinkled with a little sea salt and citrus-oil blend the morning after a big night out.

#5 WRITE AN ODE
By now you're ready to write beets a love poem. Don't fret, you've joined a perfectly healthy league of the obsessed. Some of cult novelist Tom Robbins' best lines are dedicated to contemplating their allure: "The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire, the fire of discontent, not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious." We couldn't agree more. Pull out a pen and paper, scribble down and scratch out until you've got your feelings strung into a sonnet or haiku or free verse poem or whatever comes to you and then email out your masterpiece to 15 people you know and love. It's like one of those lame-o About Me survey forwards. Only way better.

Beet love, xoxo