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Posted Apr. 23, 2007, 9:14 p.m. PT
Crocodiles Scare the Sh*t Outta Me!
By Ann Magnuson
This story from China really sends chills down my spine. Nothing scares me more than crocodiles! I think it started when I read a story in the New York Post ('natch) about some dumb vacationing Americans swimming in a swimming hole somewhere Down Under where a Danger: Crocodiles sign was posted. Dumb Americans ignored the sign and a model was snatched up by an Aussie croc and pulled down under herself. (I know this sounds like an urban myth but I SWEAR it was in the news!) They found her body in the crocodile's nest, buried in mud where the prehistoric monsters like to put their prey to soften it up before mealtime.
ARRGGHGHHRRRGHGHGHGHGHGGHHGH!
I can't believe I once went swimming in the ocean in northern Australia not far from where the Danger: Crocodiles signs were posted!! Those SAW movies can't be as scary as the thought of being pulled down and marinated in some crododile's lair. And now they've found the remains of nine-year-old inside a Chinese croc??
ARRGGHGHHRRRGHGHGHGHGHGGHHGH!
From CNN.com:
BEIJING, China (AP) -- A crocodile shot to death in south China during a search for a missing 9-year-old student was found to contain the child's remains, the official Xinhua News Agency said.
The crocodile was shot Saturday in a park in Beihai, a city in the Guangxi region, by investigators looking for the missing child. Investigators confirmed that human remains found in the reptile were that of the student, the report said.
The child, surnamed Liu, disappeared Friday after Liu and three other children climbed over the fence around a pool in the park that had been used to stage crocodile shows, Xinhua said.
"The children shot the animals with catapults and beat them with wooden sticks," the agency said. "One of the irritated crocodiles bit Liu's clothes and dragged him into water, where he was eaten by a swarm of crocodiles."
Snipers used pork to lure the reptiles from the pool on Saturday and shot the first one that crawled ashore, the report said.
No other details were given, and it wasn't immediately clear what would happen to the other crocodiles. Local residents said the park's owner had hired a keeper for the crocodiles, but it was not clear why the man was not at the site when the students broke in, the report said. The manager and the keeper were being held by police.
(What, pray tell, goes on at a "crocodile show"? I'm gonna have nightmares for months now!)
For PAPERMAG's previous coverage of crocs (yeah, we messed up and called 'em alligators), click here.
Comments
Returning from a cross country road trip, I had some time to kill while in Orange TX, on the LA border, and decided to go on one of those super touristy swamp boat rides. We went to a crocodile nest (or do they have alligators in LA? who cares, they are both equally scary) + the mother started hissing. The boat driver knew he had a live one on board + decided to really screw with me + tell me about how they like the rotten meat + what they would do to a person, etc. This was shortly after the Valu-Jet plane went down in the FL Everglades, where it was determined that many of the victims became dinner. I could not sleep for many nights after this because I kept having croc (or alligator?) dreams + could not get that hissing sound out of my head. Yah, crocodiles (+ alligators) scare the sh*t outta me too!
Posted at 10:12 a.m. PT on Apr 23, 2007 by shona
in my past life i was a little asian girl that was eaten by a crocodile at a zoo, i can see the the whole thing very vividly (& ive been able to see it all my life)... im there with my parents, im wearing a yellow dress, i think its 1968 & im a spoiled brat. i climb up on the railing & my parents are screaming for me to come back & im just ignoring them, im throwing mcdonaldland cookies into the crocodile pit, totally blowing off my parents, & i turn towrds them...my mom is wearing a yellow shift that sort of matches my dress & she has a really nice hairdo, wrapped & high...& then i just feel this huge pull from behind & i feel all the air rush out of my lungs & i see bubbles & then its all black.
Posted at 2:47 p.m. PT on Apr 23, 2007 by n69n
I dont know;I feel quite the opposite in fact I am or was obessesed with them or at least their cousin alligators since I grew up with the everglades literally in my back yard as a child.As family recreation we would go down Lox road just behind my house and feed these fascinating creatureS hotdogs and marshmallows.....As I grew older I got more daring and would purposely try and get attention of gators just to see them up close.and there was always one that would just be sitting in our backyard sometimes...one that got daring and got out of the water.we would continueously have to cll the wildlife people to come and get them out of our yard.....whats weird ( though it makes sense ) is that as I have gotten older I have always have alligators in my dreamS....sometimes just in the background other times being a much more significant part of my dream experiences .....always staring with that primordial starE ..... if you like crocs as much as yousay I recommend checking out PRIMEVAL ....its a pretty bad B movie about a real life giant killer croc in africa....that got a taste for humans and still resides feeding off of the local villagers.Apparently its bloodlust is from the continous dumping of bodies into the river due to the civil war and local warlord murder of civilians........or if you like you can check out my friends house in the valley since he has a 5 inch alligator in a giant fish tank...heh its so cute ....I have thrown raw chicken it its cage at least twice and boy does he LOVE THAT..!
.....and yes Im sure its pretty illegal to own a alligator the size of his. Gotta love them alligators and crocs....I am simply fascinated....I donT know how many times I continuously watch those national geographics with the wildebeast when the have to cross the croc infested water....see what they do is let the herd feel its safe to cross thus ...the massive herd crosses and the crocs pick them off one by one ......
Posted at 5:57 p.m. PT on Apr 23, 2007 by randy focazio
I also took a boat ride on a crocodile-filled river bordering Angola and Namibia (in southwest Africa). The guide told us a harrowing story about how one of his 'staff' at this remote campsite went every day down to the river to gather water. His schedule never wavered. He woke at the exact same time, walked down the path to the river the same time, gathered the water the same time.
One day he accidently tripped and took a few seconds to regroup. Then he made his way to the river. About 5 seconds before he arrived a HUGE croc jumped out of the river and, with jaws wide open, chomped at the open air, missing the man by inches!
Had the man not tripped he would have been in that exact spot the croc chomped! The croc had watched, waited and in some eerie prehistoric reptilian way, CALCULATED when his prey would be available.
The South African guide also told us that, as a teenager, he and his brother used to swim back and forth in the river and how stupid they were to do that. I didn't even think that I might have been near some crocodiles path when I asked that he stop the Zodiak dingy and let me pee up the path on the Angolan side of the river. Nor did I think there might have been any leftover land mines over there. I was just mesmerized by the bees buzzing around the exotic flowers and the vast expanse of mystery that lay beyond.
Our guide also used to be in the South African army and the stories he told about fthe ighting over that very border were just as chilling as the croc story!
C'MON KIDZ! SEND IN YOUR CROC STORIES!!! THE BIGGEST CROC 'o SH*T WINS A PRIZE!
Posted at 9:40 a.m. PT on Apr 24, 2007 by ann magnuson
....YES...! ! ! ! they are very calculatinG....which is whats so scary/interestinG .... Hmm I have think if I have any other gator storieS...alas no croc ones besides what I learned about that real life killer croc that got its bloodlust from the warlords dumping bodies....I know I also enjoyed going to gator land....and yes they are quite yummy...I recommend cajun alligator...its tough like steak but tastes like chickeN......I dont know I think just the fact that I know someone who has a 5 inch alligator in their house desreves a special priZe......who can say that... p.S. well I know where I am going when I visit florida next month....oh I also learned how to do the alligator mating call....Hmmm perhaps a performance art pieCe..?
Posted at 8:16 p.m. PT on Apr 24, 2007 by randy focazio
I saw the biggest crocodile in Florida when I was there....his name is Bone crusher and he was or is kept seperate from all the other gators and crocs at the alligator farm I visited.....I was impressed to say the leasT.
Posted at 12:57 a.m. PT on May 31, 2007 by randy focazio
And the winner of the best Croc 'o Sh*t is - FINALLY AFTER ALL THIS TIME - Randy Focazio! Just because he bothers to follow up on these ancient posts and , MOSTLY, because we found the perfect gift for him at the High Desert Swamp Meet this weekend. We shall arrange to get it to you via MySpace, okay Randy? Meet down at the Gelato stand?
Posted at 3:49 p.m. PT on May 31, 2007 by ann magnuson
well the competition was hard but I think meeting bone crusher ....the croc that kills other crocs nailed the bird to the trEE ....
Posted at 2:59 p.m. PT on Jun 01, 2007 by randy focazio
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