Ask Mr. Mickey

For some reason the general public has been bamboozled into believing we gay homosexuelles have good taste in home décor. LIES. What Mr. Mickey can advise you on is how to overspend to make your house look like a whorehouse for colorblind clowns. MM doesn't know affordable good taste. If that's what you need, drop em a line over of Better Homes & Garden or the Christian Science Monitor or the New York Review of Books or some other fancy-pants publication whose writers wear pleated khakis and summer on Shelter Island. If you come to Mr. Mickey for interior design ideas you get Alcoholic Hausfrau in the Schwarzwald. You get Crackhead Colonial. You get the interior equivalent of John Galliano on a bender. Let Mr. Micks know if you're interested in this kind of approach and he'll send you over some sketches!

My oh my. I'm not even sure what bedroom-punk or chillwave are but they both sound very avant-garde. I'm afraid unless Kelly Clarkson is chillwave and One Direction are bedroom-punk I don't really know much about the genres you inhabit. But so what? In all fairness, Mr. Mickey rarely understands what he's talking about. Now I hope you don't mind but MM can't endorse the smearing of bathroom bits or bodily juices onto yourself. (Don't punkers like a little poo-poo schmeared on the face or blood squirted on the blouse?) You can be a high-fashion trashy dirtbag sans caca! Mr. M is feeling the look for you is Jet-Set Junkie. Hard Rock Miss Havisham. Cuckoo-Crazy Corpse Bride. Imagine a classic black-tie look on someone that has survived a 1970s Irwin Allen disaster movie. Or imagine the freakishly proportioned ingénue in any Tim Burton animated feature. Everything should be ripped and shredded and sprinkled with dust. A top-hat dragging trails or trashy-looking tulle and some scuffed-up biker boots are perfect accessories. The good thing about this look is you don't really need to do much heavy-duty beauty prep. Just smear on a sloppy layer of red lipstick and slather on a new layer of mascara and you'll be a style sensation!

A cross-country road trip sounds fabulous. And when I say fabulous I mean hideous. Why do you want to be trapped riding shotgun in a Chevy Chevette? Do you want to destroy the relationship?  If you're hell-bent on this trip I would say you drive directly to Hurricane Mills, Tennessee to visit Loretta Lynn's Lady Loretta Boutique. It's on the grounds of her ranch and is a treasure-trove of LL memorabilia. After spending the night at a cheap motel in the area drive straight to Chicago to visit INTUIT: The Center for Intuitive & Outsider Art. It's a tiny little nook of a place but they've rebuilt the tiny one-room apartment/studio of Mr. Mickey's favorite artist Henry Darger. It's amazing to get a peek at the place Darger lived and worked for 40 years. Speaking of fabulous home museums you should then scoot over to Hyde Park, New York, to spend the afternoon at Val-kill, the country getaway of Mr. Mickey's personal idol Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt. Mrs. R was such a trailblazer when it came to human rights and Val-kill is a fascinating historical site. They also have a delightful little gift shop where you can buy ER memorabilia. 

Above: Mr. Mickey's Look of the Month is a parade of elegant elderly gals (and guy) from Advanced Style by Ari Seth Cohen, published by Powerhouse Books.