Boys To Men
We listen in as "Style Guy" Glenn O'Brien has a heart-to-heart with his 11-year-old son Oscar.
By KIM HASTREITER
Photographed by ANDREA CHU
Though PAPER's September fashion issue is devoted to celebrating women (and those famous for celebrating women), I thought it would only be fair to let the boys have the floor; to give their two cents on the subject of gender. The very first person who came to mind was longtime friend Glenn O'Brien, whose hilarious tome How to Be a Man (Rizzoli) came out this past spring and gives invaluable advice to men -- how to fight, drink, host a party, have sex and even wear a bathing suit.
Not only does O'Brien -- a former PAPER columnist, editorial director of Interview and current GQ "Style Guy" -- have a take on the male species like no one else, but his 11-year-old son Oscar seems to be following in dad's footsteps of confident, opinionated commentary on how things should and should not be. I thought it would be fun to listen in as Oscar asked his dad a few questions on the subject of manhood, the differences between the sexes, first girlfriends and, of course, the importance of good looks and table manners.
Oscar O'Brien: How to be a man? I bet it happens gradually.
Glenn O'Brien: I remember I woke up one day and had a hair on my chest. I knew it was a big moment and that things were going to be different from then on.
OO: When was that?
GO: I was 13.
OO: I'm 11. I've already got hair on my chest.
GO: I mean a dark hair. Not like your blonde peach fuzz. Also, when I was 13, I started to get a little mustache. my hairs on my lip started going from blonde to being dark. And then, when my mother started to tell me I should get a job, I knew I must be a man.
OO: What was your first job?
GO: When I was 16, I packed groceries on the weekends. then I was a busboy and had to wear a pirate costume because it was a nautical-themed restaurant.
OO: When did you stop listening to your parents?
GO: I always listened to them, but I was the mature one in the family, even as a child, so they would ask me advice. But they didn't always follow it. My mother said, "Should I get a divorce?" I said "Yes" but she didn't do it.
OO: When did you start acting manly?
GO: I wanted to be grown-up so I did some manly things fairly young. When I was 10, I knew how people like Bennett Cerf and Kitty Carlisle hung out at El Morocco and the Stork Club. One day when I went to New York with my parents I had them pull up to the stork Club and I said, "Wait here." I went inside, presented myself to the maître d', and told him, "I've heard so much about this place, I wanted to see it for myself." He was so amused that he took me around and introduced me to every table.
OO: So how do you "be a man?"
GO: You have to read my whole book -- it's got 52 chapters.
OO: Why did you write it?
GO: I thought women would be interested in a book called How to Be a Man because they'd think it had secrets in it that they didn't know.
OO: What kind of secrets?
GO: Women always want to know what men are thinking. And the ways that men are different from women. Women know they're different but they're never exactly sure how.
OO: Why do you think women are so different? Other than their chromosomes.
GO: I think they are raised differently. People take more care with their girls because they're more worried about them. They think boys can handle themselves more easily. But I don't think it's true. Girls are tougher than boys.
OO: How are girls tougher?
GO: Well at your age they're bigger and stronger! Who cries more at school, boys or girls?
OO: It's always a tie!
GO: Do they cry about the same type of things?
OO: Yes. Pain.
GO: Not humiliation or embarrassment?
OO: No, just physical pain.
GO: Are boys or girls more confident? When I go to a school performance, the girls are all out there singing loudly in front and the boys are all hiding behind somebody and moving their lips. Do you think that's true?
OO: Yes. I've been in those situations.
GO: Are your friends mostly boys or girls?
OO: Boys. Because I don't think females enjoy video games as much. Do you have any advice about girls for me?
GO: Don't rush into anything. Wait till the right one comes along. It's better to have no girlfriend than the wrong girlfriend.
OO: How do you know when you have a wrong girlfriend?
GO: If she makes you more unhappy than happy. Do you have a girlfriend?
OO: I used to.
GO: Did you break up? Did you have a fight?
OO: Yes, we did.
GO: Whose fault was it?
OO: It was both of our faults.
GO: Good answer. It doesn't have to be somebody's fault.
OO: When did you start liking girls?
GO: In kindergarten. I had a girlfriend. Her name was Joyce. And my first kiss I was in the third grade on the school bus, Jane McDonough. She was real cute. But all my friends made fun of me.
OO: Were you nice or mean to girls?
GO: I always thought it was cool to be friends with girls so I was nice. You recently said you like French girls.
OO: It depends on how they were raised, their personality and how they look.
GO: What's most important?
OO: It depends on how they were raised, their personality and how they look.
GO: What's most important?
OO: How they were raised.
GO: So you like good manners?
OO: It can change someone's personality completely.
GO: What are the most important manners you think a person should have?
OO: It can change someone's personality completely.
GO: What are the most important manners you think a person should have?
OO: Table manners. They shouldn't shove their face into food. And as far as personality goes, we have to relate on at least two things.
GO: Two things in common?
OO: Exactly. Or we'll just have nothing to talk about and nothing to do. So how did you end up with mom?
GO: Well, she was beautiful and smart and nice.
OO: Makes sense.
GO: What do you think about going to a school that has uniforms?
OO: It takes away all the creativity.
GO: You've been known to stretch the dress code at school. I have seen you sneak in your own cashmere sweater instead of your official sweater.
OO: I do enjoy having a good appearance. I don't think it is embarrassing to dress up.
GO: One of the things we have in common, right? We want to look good.
OO: I was sort of trained by you and mom to dress like that.
GO: How do you choose what to wear?
OO: It depends on three things: where I'm going, what I'm doing and my mood. I know what I like. So do you have advice for me?
GO: The advice I would give you is to pay attention. If you pay attention you won't lose so many things. And I think it's also important to tell the truth.
OO: I do that.
GO: The only excuse for not telling the truth is not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. You can sometimes twist it a little bit -- for world peace.
More from Glenn and Oscar's chat with PAPER here.
More from Glenn and Oscar's chat with PAPER here.
Your Comment
Posted at 2:12 on Sep 21, 2011
Jesus, that was painful to read.
Posted at 4:10 on Sep 22, 2011
And now i never want to read anything from this man ever.
Posted at 2:55 on Sep 25, 2011
Oh look, there's my painting of the "Path of Love" on the wall! And there's the top of the "Frankenstein, the Bride" painting sitting in front of what looks like a very beautiful Hindu deity, or something. Glenn does love a nice Hawkins painting!
Posted at 8:10 on Sep 26, 2011
this was really nice. good to see theres at least one kid on this planet with the right attitude towards girls and isn't a rude little shit like aaron and dimitri here..