140 Characters

Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling):
Never tell me your dream unless it's about me, or me dying, or having sex with me

Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack):
 So excited for health care to pass that I'm having trouble keeping all this hepatitis to myself.

The Gates Foundation (@gatesfoundation):
Could new types of maize help solve food shortages in Africa? http://bit.ly/997Z20 #agriculture

Euan Rellie (@euanrellie):
Affecting an air of diffidence at the Boom Boom Room

Jackie Collins (@jackiejcollins):
Love to play R KELLY when writing a sex scene!!
 



Courtney Love (@CourtneyLoveUK):
i dont twitter i just have relapses!

T-Pain (@NBTPAIN):
#youwishyouweremybutt

Jane Fonda (@Janefonda):
Too many actresses in audience chewing gum #oscars #fail

BiSoccerJock (@Bisoccerjock):
Horny... Horny... Horny.... Poke... Poke... Poke... ahhh..

Bryanboy (@BRYANBOY):
I'll NEVER name a pet after a fashion label but if you must, the only acceptable names are: Celine, Chloe and Stella.


 

Kelly Osbourne (@MissKellyO):
I have fired luke as my boyfriend for the next 20mins because he acted like he was going to give me a kiss then licked my face!

Michael Musto (@mikeymusto):
I just joined Twitter. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing!

Henry Holland (@henryholland):
Being gay is expensive.

Stephen Colbert (@stephenathome):
after this ricky martin bombshell, i have no choice but to stop wearing my "vida loca" camo hunting chaps

Cassie Coane (@CaseyCoane):
The way I've gotten through college is finding the nerdiest kid in my classes and inviting them to lit. Sad but true.
 




Questlove (@questlove):
finally. after 13 months. HODA finally acknowledges us! (gotta see earlier tweets of me complaining her minioning me in elevator)

Nick Diamonds (@nickfromislands):
If held at gunpoint, I'd say "fixins" is my least favourite word in the English language

Mark "The Cobra Snake" Hunter (@thecobrasnake):
everyone get ready for the photos from my and @steveaoki's GAY SAFARI

Dave Hill (@mrdavehill):
I just did that thing where you put on Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" while watching "Sister Act" with the sound off. Mindblowing.

Julia Frakes (@bunnyBISOUS):
Having a major Sophie Calle moment.

 



Shit My Dad Says (@shitmydadsays):
"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."

Samantha Ronson (@samantharonson):
Someone please tell Kat Von D that if she's gonna make fun of someone for being dumb "it's not rocket surgery" is not the phrase. #irony

Matthew Schneier (@grievance):
I don't think my office should keep empty prop bottles of Krug sitting around. It really sends the wrong message. I.e., that there's Krug

Neil Patrick Harris (@actuallyNPH):
 Ok, major gossip on J.Lo, y'all! We were hanging out on set today, between takes. She turns to me and says, dig this: "Neil, I'm going to tr

Rainn Wilson (@rainwilson) :
I forgot to see 'Remember Me'.




Ezra Koenig (@arzE): 
went to a bagel place today that had lox cream cheese but no lox. i was like WTF? and then "We'll Always Love Big Poppa" came on the radio!

Jordan Rubin (@jordanrubin):
Did anybody ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what? I think he also asked for a woop woop.

Daniel Motta (@dmmwitted):
I kinda wanna ask these models, "So...Anyone here ever been groped by Terry Richardson?" Show of hands?" #Badicebreakers

Bevy Smith (@bevysmith):
I detest when folks contact me about JENKY biz ideas! Like dude no I'm not interested n hosting a dinner 4 Brazilian jeans, all $ aint good $

Cole Escola (@coleescola):
Raise your hand if you're searching Wikipedia for a year-by-year breakdown of the SNICK lineup.



Talib Kweli Greene (@realtalibkweli):
Glenn Beck is evil Michael Scott

Aziz Ansari (@azizansari):
If you stop a van from hitting a girl, don't be such a dick about it. Be like, "Look baby, I'm a vampire. That's how." #EdwardisBeingaDick

Gavin Newsom (@gavinnewsom):
"Driving out to Delano-- marching with farm workers & speaking at rally in Cesar Chavez Park w/ UFW leaders"

A.D. Miles (@80miles):
Trying to get some existential crisis frisbee going in Prospect Park. ... Or don't. Who gives a shit...

Lady Fag (@ladyfag):
I didn't realize how much I would miss u... welcome home from the cobblers Rick Owens boots. I luv u.




Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers):
I have no sex appeal. I once asked my husband, "Why don't you talk during sex?" He said, "I thought the snoring was enough."

Sarah Silverman (@sarahksilverman):
The richest black man in NYC has got to be Duane Reade!!

Bootsy Collins (@Bootsy_Collins):
if you build it... they will funk

Mark Ronson (@iamMarkRonson):
On the way to @evradio. About to world premiere brand new Chauffeur, plus nuff exclusives. Also happy birthday to my mum. X

Diablo Cody (@diablocody):
Just cut my own bangs. Look uncannily like Christian Slater in The Name of the Rose.


 

Princess Mabel (@MabelvanOranje):
Two days of talks in Harare. Sobering. Humanitarian situation has stabilised for ordinary people in #Zimbabwe - but recovery still fragile.

Michael Lucas (@MichaelLucasNYC):
Hairy, muscular Junior Stellano is on the set...in pantyhose. This is going to be a hot scene!

Dolly Parton (@Dolly_Parton):
I look just like the girls next door...if you happen to live next door to an amusement park!

Mordechai Rubinstein (@MISTERMORT):
Oh! And like that we're back to Hold Your Skateboard As An Accessory Season

Miss Guy (@TheRealMissGuy):
Kow$ha.

 


Robert Verdi (@RobertVerdi):
I want to be second to Jesus and bigger than porn!

Kelly Cutrone (@peoplesrev):
To all the lovers - hello and a kiss! To all the haters - I love you best - because you make me more and more successful everyday.

Sandra Bernhard (@SandraBernhard):
sometimes i practice what i would say to heidi montag. half way through i just doze off.

M.I.A. (@_M_I_A_):
ONCE AGAIN FUCK NEW YORK TIMES !!!!!!!!! GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

Jenny Holzer (@jennyholzer):
SALVATION CAN'T BE BOUGHT AND SOLD

 


Jackie Beat (@JACKIEBEAT):
I'm no expert, but I don't think one's letter at an intervention should rhyme

Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago):
Sarah Palin, the mistress of abbreviation and netspeak: Her latest tweet unfolds to at least 185 characters.

Andy Cohen (@BravoAndy):
Oh no some lady did NOT put a diaper in the delta flight 1824 lavatory system, thereby delaying us! That lady shuld have 2 get the dipe!

Malcolm Harris (@malssirah):
turned on the news and saw the HillBilly Family Reunion taking place but later realized it was actually the Republican National Convention

Jeremy Bilding (@jeremybilding):
Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch



Martin Marks (@martinjmarks):
Such post-post ironic footwear on the L Train!

Ari Shapiro (@ari_shapiro):
White House beat brings new challenges: I'm told I can't lock my bike to a bench in Lafayette Park.

Mika (@mikasounds):
Loved Rome. It's one of those cities that's even better in real life. It makes me want to be old & grumpy with time on my hands. With a pipe

Baratunde Thurston (@baratunde):
there are two kinds of people: the kind of people who say "there are two kinds of people" and everybody else

Andrew WK (@AndrewWK):
PARTY TIP: You're a good person! Maybe you already knew that. Maybe you're finally realizing it. Either way, never forget it.




Rachel Zoe (@rzrachelzoe):
Learned to throw and catch a football today with my nephew..milestone indeed..xoRZ

Sleigh Bells (@sleighbells):
There is a violin player in @majorlazer dressing room to play while they eat cheese #sweartoallah

Snoop Dogg (@snoopdogg):
whatuptho?!?!? who knows bout that purp!!!??

The Selby (@theselby):
Shooting Bill Gates house today, his new boathouse changes its color based on his mood.

Alex Blagg (@alexblagg):
You poor thing! Guys, lets all take it easy on John Mayer, OK? RT @johncmayer February & March was rough for me. #understatementoftheyear



St. Vincent (@st_vincent):
i'm going to redecorate my apartment like a hotel room so i can feel at home.

Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton):
Tried drying my blackberry with my blow dryer. Phone is still dead, brutal. I give up, hopefully it will dry out on it's own overnight.

Erica Kennedy (@feminista09):
just read an email that was talking about "Sandy B" and her marriage woes. next email was a blog comment from Sandy C. #FEMsynchronicity

Yoko Ono (@yokoono):
In your mind help anyone in your hometown who needs help. If there are any broken-down houses, mend them in your mind

Aaron Bondaroff (@AaronBondaroff):
why didnt any upper east side J.A.P.S invite me to any passover dinners? im gotta put the guilt out there




Derek Blasberg (@derekblasberg):
My friend bought a $170 melon today from a fruit vendor in Tokyo. I chastised him at first, but HOT DAMN that was the best melon I ever had!

Queen Rania of Jordan (@QueenRania):
Was moved by applause 4 role of edu in Palestine-Israel. Our hope not w politicians on either side but w new gen 2 overcome hate & fear

Tommie Sunshine (@TommieSunshine):
I love that the people who give me shit about speaking my mind always have around 100 followers.

Elizabeth Taylor (@DameElizabeth):
Life without earrings is empty!
 
Colson Whitehead (@ColsonWhitehead):
I was gonna see Greenberg, but instead I just called up a few assholes I used to be friends with.



Weird Al Yankovic (@Alyankovic):
SPOILER ALERT! One of the songs on my next album will be in C#.

Alex Bogusky (@bogusky):
Is it lame to wear a green shirt to the Green Garage launch event today? Whatever. I'll be the lame guy in the green shirt.

Rob Romoni (@Robromoni):
fyi if you take me to ihop on a date were pretty much going to hook up that night! #pancakes

Sky Ferreira (@Skyferreira):
@katyperry is totally making this place smell like fart. Every where we fucking stand! Not cool.

Diddy (@iamdiddy):
I can't stop now. I made it this far. I might as well win the race! Meet you at the finish line! You can do it! Let's go. Lers go! Let's go!




Lil Wayne (@liltunechi):
welcome to my department store of love, where 1 size fits all. .

Jake Shears (@JakeShears):
Antichrist is the biggest piece of gratuitous mysogonistic repugnant whale caca I have ever seen. I loved every minute (not reccomended)

This Recording (@thisrecording):
bats eating mangos are sooooooo chill

Andrew Andrew (@AndrewAndrew):
THE GERMAN TOURIST DUDE WEARING BLACK UGGS WITH THE UBER PDA ON ROOSEVELT ISLAND TRAM NEEDS TO GET A ROOM

Jeremy Scott (@ITSJEREMYSCOTT):
IN HONG KONG WATCHING HELL RASIER 2 ON TV HELL RAISER 1 WAS ON LAST NIGHT - THIS PLACE IS AMAZING



Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler):
Just finished watching "Get Rid of All the Ethnic People" on Fox. Oh wait, that was American Idol.

Agyness Deyn (@AggyDeyn):
Chewin this new gum 'trident layers'! I just gave a piece to this lady sat next to me on the train. Had a nice chat about the deliciousness!

Sarah Colette (@sarahcolette):
Le nouveau Yummy special macarons est trop bien. Mais J'aurais du repondre Yuzu juice pour drink.

Nico Muhly (@nicomuhly):
You know what's erotic is that little flèche in the center of farfalle

Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks):
Also true. RT @cason444 EB was original choice for the mother in Precious, but Mo'Nique got b/c of Hollywood politics. #elizabethbanksrumors





Lydia Hearst (@LHearst):
Met Vincent Gallo and he took me out on a date today. He's so charming.

Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien):
The good news: I will be doing a show on TBS starting in November! The bad news: I'll be playing Rudy on the all new Cosby Show.

HEALTH (@_HEALTH):
Never trust a band on Twitter who is following 0 people

Bonnie Morrison (@fiercegrandma):
ate candy and pumpkin seeds all day, dropped some dough at Jeffrey, read Vogue Paris and now owns a Kelly bag.

Jonathan Ames (@JonathanAmes):
woke up, almost healthy. oh, shit. jinxed myself immediately and just coughed like d.h. lawrence.

 



Leslie Arfin (@STAGEMOMZ):
I wonder if Kurt Cobain would have been a d-bag by now. Dinners at Minetta or some shit. Front row at Chanel with those white sunglasses on?

Danny Chun (@dannychun):
Does anyone know if the iPad touchscreen can tell the difference between 2 fingers and 2 penises? Very important lemme know ASAP thx

Jenny Slate (@jennyslate25):
Sundays r the best. I love prancing around the apartment,making eggs& baking stuff! Plus, I ate a brownie in my sleep last night! I'm alive!
 
White Girl Problems (@whitegrlproblem):
It's 87 degrees, but the only thing that will truly complete this ensemble are my light brown UGGs. #whitegirlproblems

Melena Ryzik (@melenar):
Learned today that Gray Lady doesn't allow use of the word 'fun' as an adjective. Lobbying for 'funtastic' instead. #pickyourbattles?

 



Cintra Wilson (@xintra):
Please give generously to the "Help Cintra Wilson Hallucinate Less" fund. I want those damned salamanders out of my credenza.

Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri):
Watching "Life" and Oprah just called this bird "the pirate of the sea." Aren't pirates the pirates of the sea?
 
Raymond Leon Roker (@raymondroker):
Just got a FB msg that said, "If you have a few minutes..." Felt like replying, "I have nothing even closely resembling a few minutes.

Best Coast (@bestycoastyy): 
Me: this hotel has a gym Ali: only gym I'm using is lifting a beer to my mouth Bobb: Jim beam is my only gym

Sia Furler (@siamusic):
if you're a gaylord or support gaylords follow @HRCBackStory for latest info on equal rights.WE ARE EQUAL! WE DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS!



Foxy Brown (@foxydondiva):
Who the hell designed this BB Kings flyer wit the worst Foxy pics???

Zandile Blay (@zandile):
back from marshalls in kentucky! couldn't bring myself to buy anything. the church folks are just gonna have to see my nips on sunday!

The Fat Jew (@FATJEW):
I'm piss drunk, eating a burrito in the shower and twittering, fuck I just realized the water is gonna ruin my cellph

Boy George (@theboygeorge):
Just did my first interview on London Tonight with no prison questions! Amazing!

Johnny Weir (@JohnnyGWeir):
I wish I lived inside a Fabergé egg...



Matt Sweeney (@theheavyjamz):
it'd be wild if father's day was the day every male works on becoming a father.
 
Amanda Lepore (Amanda_Lepore):
My skin is dewy and my curls are perfect!

Ruth Reichl (@ruthreichl):
Daffodils. Children tumble on grass. Paper planes whirl. Last night's suckling pig better in the open air. Velvet flesh, crackling skin.

Cheyenne Jackson (@Cheyguynyc):
Making sand dinosaurs with my nieces at the ocean. They've started calling me uncle Chey Chey. Hmmm... As long as it's not "Miss Jackson." 

Fab 5 Freddy (@FABNEWYORK):
OMG, we dancing on the tables at Melbas in Harlem y'all, there playing BBD's POISON!!! HOT in Here!!!





Leon Neyfakh (@leoncrawl):
whenever i read the phrase "christian militia" i think for a second that something terrible has happened to christina milian

David Cho (@davidcho):
YO CENSUS BUREAU, BACK THE F UP. I MAILED OUR SHIT IN LAST WEEK ALRIGHT?

Katy Perry (@katyperry):
also heard Justin Biebers gonna be here 2night, can't wait to tap that

Alec Sulkin (@thesulk):
I think it's okay to punch a guy if he says luncheon.

Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon):
An ice cream shop in Peoria, Illinois named a flavor after Joe Biden. It comes in small, medium, and "f*cking huge."
 

 


David Lynch (@David_Lynch):
Dear Twitterers, How was your weekend? I cut two pieces of Douglas Fir &fashioned them for a small cabinet. Sorry I've been away.

Daddy Issues McGee (@DaddyIssues):
Whenever I Wake Up W/ My Shirt Above My Chest I Just Assume a Ghost Had%

Kari Elam (@swiper_bootz):
sun chips bags are now 100% decomposable... bc you're still too lazy not to litter

Alex Greenwald (@ALECKSU):
I got a good band name: "Phoenix Afterparty." BAM!

Lindsay Robertson (@lindsayism):
If I'm doing the math right, my Justin Bieber was... Eddie Vedder? We gotta get all that estrogen out of the drinking water, stat.

 



Unitard Universe (@unitarduniverse):
Diamond Dave is hot #rockin' his spandex.

Lena Dunham (@lenadunham):
I worship my family & friends, adore my city & my home, enjoy my strange & limited diet. My work absorbs me. & yet still, I wish I was Ke$ha

Tao Lin (@tao_lin):
bought an ~$8 watermelon section while fantasizing about having written a 1k-pg novel because 'i was bored & wanted to do something extreme

Ice t (@FINALLEVEL):
I'm not a Gangster... I'm a Rapper and an Actor..... Are you with the FEDs????

Marc Schiller (@MarcDSchiller):
My "dream' street art panel: Massimo Vignelli, Jordan Seiler, Martha Cooper, Michael Beirut, Zephyr, Lady Pink, Ed Koch, & Charlie Ahearn




Molly Young (@magicmolly):
Terence Koh is the 4 Non Blondes of art

Bill Maher (@billmaher):
Wait - that was an earthquake yesterday? I was having sex, I just thought it was really good

Diplo (@diplo):
I wish @kidrock would come downtown Detroit and take me away on his motorboat to paradise

Alexa Chung (@alexaXchung):
Just discovered that saying "egg hunt" can sound kind of rude. My Grandma wasn't amused on the phone

Pee-wee Herman (@peeweeherman):
Pee-wee Herman is a trending topic? I know I am but what are you? Follow me @peeweeherman



Rob Mwangaguhunga (@RonMwangaguhung):
First Graydon Carter, now Dan Abrams and Zinczenk: You are not a true media player til you invest in a restaurant in the Village

Rivers Cuomo (@Rivers Cuomo):
I wish I could auto-tune my face.

Carrie Fisher (@CarrieFisher):
My new favorite word? Ball sack. Just thought I'd mention it... You know----in case u were wondering or someone asked you.....

JD Samson (@jdsamson):
WE BROKE SOMETHING AND WE DIDN'T PAY FOR IT IN A SHOP! THAT IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER DONE! NOW FOLDING OTHER PEOPLES LAUNDRY FOR KARMA