There's Something About Harriet...

You can't work the door at a nightclub without personality--you have to be charmingly unapproachable, or perhaps bold and fearlessly critical. Or just a total bitch.

Harriet Halloway is a native New Yorker who came up through the club scene and blossomed into a raunchy, modern-day Mae West -- between working the door or performing at burlesque shows, she is a pro at working a crowd, haters or celebrators.

Backed by years of experience from working parties at the Hole and Opaline -- a career she began well under the drinking age back in the late 90s -- her self-deprecating monologues are constantly a big hit with audiences, and like many funny women of our time (Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler), she found an audience with the gays. Our interview took place at Coffeeshop in Union Square. Upon entering, she took a look at a tall, handsome blond guy sitting with a young woman and said "We can't sit inside, I fucked that guy."

You grew up on the Upper East Side; how did you get started in nightlife?

I was young, I was 16, I was taken out with a fake ID by a friend who is of the homosexual persuasion. I met all of these crazy people and I guess they fell in love with me?

So you're personable then?

Yeah, I guess that's a nice way of saying that I'm a slut. I'm gregarious!

What was the your first hosting gig?

Do you remember the Hole? Where the Cock is now? I used to host a party with DJ Corey Tut and it was called Big Gulp -- $10 all you can drink, all night! There were kids from NYU, it was a cool party since it was a lot of gay guys and straight girls -- mixed because everyone wants to get drunk for 10 bucks.

So when was this? You were 16 years old for this?

It was about 10 years ago -- I was a baby! I lied and told them I went to FIT.

What does a hostess do? And how did being one change your life?

They get paid to get wasted and wear really fancy outfits... really! What's crazy is that people always see you out and the crazier you are, the more people will pay to see it.

I guess I developed this weird, first taste of celebrity -- it was cool going out, getting my picture taken. I met all these amazing, awesome people.

Anyone famous?

Yeah! I used to hang out with Boy George a lot... and.... well, that's really it! Ha, no, also Debbie Harry, just lots of different folks. I was really drunk so I don't really remember a lot of it.

Oh, is that your answer for every question?

Yeah, sorry, I'm drunk!

What happens after hostessing?

I started doing door because I wanted a legitimate job. You get paid more to be at the door because you're responsible for the crowd. And you get to be a cunt to people for no reason, which I enjoy. I mean, I just read them to filth, honey! Or I just didn't let them in -- it's crazy, people in New York don't like being told "no." They don't like paying for anything, they feel really entitled here!

Would you say that's where you developed your comic persona?

Most of my material is all self-deprecating -- I guess that came from working in nightlife. You really hate yourself in the morning so there's a lot to write about. At the same time, people always wanna be your friend because you can get them in and get a free drink.

So if you sleep with a bar owner or door person, you can always get in for free?

I thought you looked familiar!

When did you decide to become a comedian?

It was about five years ago. I was seeing burlesque shows and meeting lots of those people like Murray Hill. He and I were hosting shows together. It was crazy because the audience was really reacting to me and laughing and it was awesome. I wrote some material and did my first show at the Gotham Comedy Club. I killed them my first time out and it felt awesome... It was really a sign that I was meant to do this. Truly profound, I thought, "This is what I'm meant to do with my life." Of course, I've bombed plenty of times since then.

So, what do you talk about?

I talk about my life, and sex. It's very autobiographical -- I don't talk about politics and serious things, but I think it's stuff everyone can relate to.

You do have this sparkle in your eyes when you tell a joke...

Oh, that's the cocaine.

No, it's not so much about the material but about the persona, which takes a long time to develop. Luckily I already had this ridiculous persona by being born. I've always been confused by life and just talk about it.

I believe nothing is funny without struggle -- it's the funniest place you can be in life.

Like you're struggling with that little pot of coffee right now?

Right! I'm spilling all over myself and it's hilarious. Actually I think the first time I realized I was funny was when I was a kid -- I would throw these temper tantrums and my mom would just start cracking up and I would just get angrier and angrier and be like "fuck you!" and just throw shit at her and stuff and she would laugh and say, "I think you're so hilarious," which made me even more upset.

So tell me about your upcoming show, "Hysterical Blondness," at the Gotham Comedy Club.

It's my first show that I've produced myself, am really excited. John Roberts is opening. He's a gay comedian, a really funny guy and a YouTube star. He does this thing where he dresses up like his mother. He just finished opening up for Margaret Cho and now he's opening for me, which is really wild.

Who do you look up to in comedy?

Goldie Hawn is like a huge deal for me -- I read her book, A Lotus Grows in the Mud. I like her story, I think she's just adorable and I'm a huge fan.

Have you ever seen The First Wives Club?

Of course, like so many times -- over and over again. Like the scene when she gets her lips plumped and she's standing over the bar with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth and it's so genius, like everything I've ever stood for.

So she's the kind of funny lady that you look up to?

You know what: There are not many really famous female comedians. I mean, there are but you can count them on two hands -- it's still really dominated by men and often I'll be the only female comedian on their roster.

But there's the Queens of Comedy VHS!

There are a lot of female comedians but I guess their subject manner is kinda lame -- I hate saying that about other comics -- guys do it too! It's time for more girls to come out because women have so much funny shit to talk about.

Harriet Halloway performs "Hysterical Blondeness" on Nov. 11 at 8 p.m. at the Gotham Comedy Club. Buy tickets here.