Who Is This

Uh oh... It's CMJ week. Which means that the people with the badges around their necks are back in town. They wear glasses, they have lisps and a lot of them have dandruff. But we love indie rock kids and wish them well in finagling their way into the Arcade Fire show. With hundreds of shows, it's easy to just highlight the no-brainers and shuttle, like sheep, back and forth between the Bowery Ballroom and the Knitting Factory. But that's no fun. Here are some CMJ alternatives that we've scrounged up for ya; for the advanced swimming group, as it were. As for us, we'll be at all the secret shows you don't know about, but we're sure you'll have lots of fun!

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15

You want to see some head-nod rock.

Instead of: Marjorie Fair and Doves at Warsaw

Consider: the Barsuk showcase with King Elementary, Aqueduct and John Vanderslice at the Mercury Lounge

You like 'em weird.

Instead of: Devendra Banhart at the Bowery Ballroom

Consider: the Kanine showcase with Grizzly Bear, Mommy and Daddy, Mixel Pixel, and Four Volts at Pianos or the Ace Fu showcase with the Octopus Project and Acid Mothers Temple and This Cosmic Inferno at Rothko

You're a Francophile.

Instead of: Nouvelle Vague at the Canal Room

Consider: Feist at the Knitting Factory

You want to dance!

Instead of: the Theory 8 showcase with Apollo up! and De Novo Dahl at CB's 313 Gallery

Consider: the Cochon/Princehouse showcase with Hey! Willpower and Trouble Everyday at the Delancey

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 16

You enjoy hip-hop for hipsters.

Instead of: Lady Sovereign, Blackalicious and Aesop Rock at Webster Hall

Consider: J. Live and Dwele at B.B. King's

Your faith in Pitchforkmedia.com is blind and absolute.

Instead of: Absolutely Kosher showcase with Get Him Eat Him, Sparrow and the Wrens at the Mercury Lounge

Consider: the DFA showcase with Hot Chip and the the Juan Maclean at Northsix

You're looking for a mixed bag of buzz bands and old stand-bys.

Instead of: the Polyvinyl showcase with Aloha, Of Montreal, Hail Social and Picastro at the Knitting Factory

Consider: the Lookout showcase with Hockey Night, the Oranges Band and Mary Timony at Rothko

You want to see hear something NPR-friendly.

Instead of: Tim Fite and the New Pornographers at the Bowery Ballroom

Consider: Glenn Kotche, Laura Veirs, and Amadou & Mariam at the Hiro Ballroom

You like your indie labels homegrown in New York City.

Instead of: the Kemado showcase with Cheeseburger, Tarantula A.D., Diamond Nights amd Dungen at the Bowery Ballroom

Consider: the Startime showcase with Joggers, Dios Malos and Tom Vek at Scenic or the Fame and the Five O' Clock Heroes at the Delancey

You're looking for a little, how you say, uh, "international flavor."

Instead of: The Arcade Fire and Belle Orchestre at Summerstage

Consider: Devotchka and Regina Spektor at Irving Plaza

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

You get a warm and fuzzy feeling when bands play musical chairs with their labelmates' side-projects.

Instead of: the Saddle Creek showcase with Son Ambulance and Criteria at the Bowery Ballroom

Consider: The Most Serene Republic and New Buffalo at Hiro Ballroom.

You make a point of spelling "alt.country" with a period, not a hyphen.

Instead of: the Merge Showcase with Crooked Fingers, the Rosebuds, Tenement Halls and Portastatic at Rothko

Consider: Castanets, Langhorne Slim and Subtitle at Sin-e

You want to clap your hands and hear buzz.

Instead of: Robbers on High Street, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Ambulance LTD at the Mercury Lounge

Consider: Smoosh and Longwave at Warsaw or Voxtrot and Goldrush at Coda

You prefer your hip-hop with a side of indie pop.

Instead of: Atmosphere at Irving Plaza

Consider: 8-bit, Parker & Lily and Mark Mallman at Cake Shop or Cantankerous, Saints + Lovers and Unisex Salon at Rare

You want to dance!!!

Instead of: CocoRosie and !!! at S.O.B.'s

Consider: the DimMak/ColdCrush showcase with Pony Up!, Neon Blonde and the Rakes at Northsix

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

You want to explore the indie-rock canon.

Instead of: the Sub Pop showcase with Holopaw, Rogue Wave and Wolf Parade at the Bowery Ballroom

Consider: the French Kiss showcase with Rahim, Tangiers, Turing Machine and the Hold Steady at CBGB or the Team Love showcase with Craig Wedren and Tilly & the Wall at the Knitting Factory

You want to prove you're not a snob about major-label bands.

Instead of: The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Metric, the Sun and the Films at the Hiro Ballroom

Consider: We Are Scientists and Innaway at Scenic

You're just so fucking cute.

Instead of: Apollo Sunshine, Dressy Bessy, Amusement Parks on Fire, Dirty on Purpose, Youth Group and the Upwelling at Mercury Lounge

Consider: The Spinto band, Benzos and Singapore Sling at Pianos

For a complete list of CMJ shows visit www.cmj.com.