A Guide to the Internet's Biggest Celebrity Conspiracy Theorists

For the month of May, PAPERMAG is celebrating the wide, wonderful, strange world of social media. We'll be highlighting a few of our favorite, follow-worthy folk, from celebrities to artists to comedians to musicians, and reveling in some of the gloriously odd Internet trends that crop up on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and more. Join us and discover the accounts you need to be following now.

It's NO surprise that a celebrity would be drawn to the gorgeous melodrama of a potential conspiracy theory, regardless of how "common" or civilian the fixation on potential scamming by the powers-that-be is.

While you can't deny anyone the juicy satisfaction of a good paranoia-laden story, those who actually believe conspiracies are people who simply cannot fathom that something completely random or horrible could happen in this world. Jon Benet couldn't have just been murdered by some psychopath! She HAD to have grown up to be Katy Perry.

Mix that sentiment with the life of a famous person--often rich with "yes" people, and easy access to widely followed social platforms, where they can share articles that perhaps you and your friends may exchange on a late night GChat or text thread.

These people just have the misfortune of their "dorm room convo"-style conversations amplified by public scrutiny. Some are easy to understand why they would question...others are just fucking crazy.

As part of our May social media month, let's break down some of our favorite Internet-fueled celebrity soothsayers.

Kylie Jenner

via PAPER

We all remember when Kylie Jenner, born in 1997, decided to educate us non-woke lemmings about the slow, surefire poisoning of the human race occurring every day at 36,000 feet.

While the tweet was endlessly parodied--even retweeted in irony by Kylie's older sister, Kim--I don't blame her for posting it. Chemtrails are in the top 10 most widely believed paranoias--if not the top 5.

For anyone who doesn't know (and that's OK if you don't), the chemtrail theory--born out of the gloriously paranoid chatrooms of the early Internet era--asserts that the long lasting trails of condensation high-flying jets leave while streaking across the sky are actually chemical agents being released into the air, every day, for unknown, but clearly evil reasons: Government. Military. Illuminati. All working in tandem to do something to us people on the ground floor--perhaps poison us, sedate and pacify.

It's a silly concept, easily explained by pilots every time.

But it's a stunningly perfect portrait of Kylie's specific age group--the celebrity teens of the Internet, which includes fellow chemtrai-truther, Jaden Smith.

In fact, a year prior, Jaden posted a YouTube regarding chemtrails to his blessed Twitter account.



B.o.B.

via BFA

Back in January, the rapper went on a nearly 24 hour Twitter rant arguing that the earth is, in fact, flat, and not circular as we've "figured out," you know, since the Middle Ages.

Unclear!

He continued...

Really, keep going...

Understandably, he got a little sensitive when the Twitter mentions started rolling in...


"Honestly? Grow up."

And god bless him, he kept at it:


#oblate

Eventually, our the flat Earth truther was "corrected" by Twitter's number one Chief of the Thought Police, Neil deGrasse Tyson...

But you have to admire B.o.B.'s firmness in holding to his mission, a valiant defense going out with a bang, not a whimper. If you want the world to be flat, it's fucking flat. It sure as hell feels like that sometimes, anyway.

Jim Carrey

via BFA

The comedian had joined his previous partner, Jenny McCarthy, in her dangerous anti-vaccination campaign (that she still waves a flag for today). In 2008, the two led the highly criticized "Green Our Vaccines" walk in DC, after McCarthy decided her son's autism was brought on by chemicals in mandatory vaccinations. They and thousands of other people rallied for the removal of "toxins" in administered vaccines.

In 2015, Carrey went on a Twitter tangent about vaccines once again, calling the California governor a "fascist" for signing a strict mandatory vaccination bill that applied to daycares all over the state. He clarified that he's "not" anti-vaccine, just anti-neurotoxin.

It didn't do any good, however, as Carrey's conspiracy spouting was called "immune to reason."


Courtney Love

via PAPER

Mr. Carrey's former costar, and grunge goddess, Courtney Love, was embroiled in some conspiracy/alt-thinking herself in March of 2014, involving one of the greatest continued mysteries of our day: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

Using satellite imaging site Tomnod, Love (like 99% of us) scoured the area where the flight was originally believed to have gone done. The rock icon posted a screenshot of her own sleuthing to Twitter, marking the exact spot, and noting an oil slick, where she suspected the plane had entered the ocean.

While, as we know, Ms. Love was incorrect, who can blame her for trying? No one had a fucking clue. Literally, Courtney Love's guess on the location of ML370 was as good as any professional's at that point.

Later, when douche lord Daniel Tosh made a jab at Courtney for her earnest search attempt, we got one of the greatest Twitter comebacks of all time.

Queen.


Mark Ruffalo

via BFA

Sentient farmer's market Mark Ruffalo is a staunch liberal, and apparently in the mid-aughts, was also a vocal 9/11 Truther (along with numerous other celebrities, including Rosie O'Donnell, Woody Harrelson and Eminem).

The Oscar-nominated actor has made several recorded statements on his belief that the September 11th terrorist attacks were "an inside job."

Like here, at an anti-war rally in Los Angeles in 2007...

Or here, in a "man on the street" style interview with this slightly unhinged sounding conglomerate called "We Are Change."

Mark, we don't know what to say...

You're still very cute and organic.


Whoopi Goldberg

via BFA

Ms. Goldberg, undisputed Head B*tch In Charge of The View, used her mega-platform once to touch on perhaps the best-known (aaaaaand slightly credible) conspiracy of all time: The moon landing hoax.

Here's the basic theory: The United States's Apollo 11 mission, including Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, did not, in fact, walk on the moon for the first time on July 20th, 1969, but was filmed in a massive movie studio by Stanley Kubrick as American propaganda during the height of the Cold War.

Whoopi brought up the 1977 sci-fi thriller Capricorn One, about a staged-mission to Mars, and how "there are a couple of questions that I do have from time to time."

"Who shot the footage?" Whoopi asked rhetorically, seeming to forget the third member of the mission, Michael Collins, and the camera tripod Buzz and Neil set down.


Barbara Walters, looking visibly concerned as Whoopi rebuffs her counter-points: "You don't really doubt that..."

"I'm JUST saying!" Whoopi interrupts.

Someone needs to green-light a show about Whoopi investigating conspiracy theories.


Randy Quaid

via YouTube

2010 was a big year for Randy Quaid, mostly because the Oscar-nominated actor and his wife, Evi, fled to Canada to evade unpaid bills and taxes in a highly publicized ordeal.

But the most puzzling aspect of the incident was that the Quaids denied the financial woes, and claimed they were actually fleeing "the Star Whackers"--an Illuminati-esque group with ties to the government, who murdered famous actors, including, per the Quaids, Heath Ledger, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and David Carradine.

They claimed Google worked in tandem with this murderous crew through SEO, pushing "smear" articles about these actors to the top of the search results.

Quaid held numerous, bizarre press conferences about the matter.

And continued the discussion on national television.

The Quaids have since returned to the US, and were arrested in Vermont in 2015, where they legally must remain. The once constantly working actor has gone on record saying he would like to "live like a normal Vemonter, do some leaf peeping."

Word.


Only time will tell if the prophecies of these various celebrity rabble rousers will be proven correct, but I won't lie that I'll be looking up at those white streaks in the sky with a tinge of suspicion.

Thank you, Kylie.

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