Hello again, chums. Your friend the Skinny Gourmet here, with an empowering confession to make: though he be but small of body, the SG packs a powerful thirst. It is a thirst for justice (free Mumia!); it is a thirst for power (four less years!); it is a thirst for authenticity (who's your daddy?); but most of all, it is a thirst for prying, invasive celebrity worship and for delicious beverages. So with the synergy that has rapidly become his trademark, the SG proudly presents the fruits of his newest researches: how to become a celebrity, or at least drink like one.
THE CLASSIC
The Beverage: Newman's Own Extra Virgin
Lemonade
The Patron: Paul Newman (with a little help from daughter
Nell)
The Skinny: Tending more toward sour than sweet, Newman's
lemonade has become the stalwart of the celebrity-beverage genre, a
respectable dinosaur in an ephemeral industry. Erstwhile dreamboat Paul
Newman, the heartthrob of your mother's generation and the grizzled,
resurrectable bit of Hollywood respectability of yours (cf. Road to
Perdition, The Color of Money), began Newman's Own under
philanthropic auspices years ago, and has since been doing good with the
profits of his salad dressings, popcorns, and, most famous of all, his
extra virgin lemonade. Slightly syrupy, this is a lemonade for beach
days and block parties. Serve with hot dogs and fire-hydrant sprinklers.
Newman's Own Extra Virgin Lemonade, $3.39 for 32 oz., available at grocery stores.
THE UPSTART
The Beverage: Vitamin Water Formula 50
The Patron: SG two-time cameo star 50 Cent
The Skinny: Formula 50, which
glows metallically lavender amid the neon wonderland that is the Vitamin
Water pantheon, promises 50 percent of your daily requirement of grape.
Formula 50, which cheekily proclaims its intent to "hydrate or die
tryin'," smells of the strong, artificial grape flavor reminiscent of a
Tootsie Roll Pop, but the flavor is surprisingly subtle and mild. An
inquiry into Formula 50's grape varietals turned up nothing, but a
passing similarity to Dimetapp was noted. Refreshing though a bit oily
on the tongue, Formula 50 was nevertheless a crowd-pleaser. Serve with
hard cheeses or root salads.
Vitamin Water Formula 50, $2 for 20 oz., available at delis citywide.
THE AMERICAN
The Beverage: Samuel Adams Boston Lager
The Patron: The spirit of Revolutionary American Samuel Adams
The Skinny: Boston Tea Partier Samuel Adams, himself a brewer from a line of
brewers, in fact has little to do with this American microbrew. Revived
in 1984 after its original conception in the 1870s, Sam Adams has become
a symbol of sophistication among those too jingoistic to drink imported
beers. While it certainly is a step up from most of our domestic brews,
the SG finds its musky, unyielding flavor off-putting. Sam Adams won
points for its creamy head and veneer of historical legitimacy, but both
deflated under slight pressure. Overall, a respectable choice in a
pinch, outspoken yet endearingly local. Serve with peanuts or wizened
relatives.
Samuel Adams Boston Lager, $1.95 for 12 oz., available at delis, supermarkets, and liquor stores citywide.
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