Dear Mr. Mickey,
I am an aspiring Mickey Boardman -- I
want to travel the world, be the center of attention, wear the
most‚ luxurious clothes‚ and be the magnet for the world's sexiest men.
How do you do it?
-- Wanna Be You
Dear Wanna-Be,
Aren't you sweet! MM isn't sure he's a
magnet for the world's sexiest men, but he certainly is popular with the
taxi drivers of the Indian subcontinent! But as for you, Mr. Mickey is
happy to suggest how you can live a super-glamorous, jet-set life on a
middle-class budget. First you have to prioritize what's important: For
MM, it's glamorous travel and designer duds. Luckily, Mr. Micks has a
job that often requires or permits international travel -- fashion
weeks, Life Ball, Miss India -- and gets to attend as a
journalist/low-level celebrity guest. You need to go where the discounts
are, use your frequent-flyer miles and stay with friends. Mr. Mickey
saves money by living on the cheap when it comes to nightlife and
dining. Although MM goes out constantly, he only attends private events
or clubs where he's on the list. All these savings help pay for the
globe-trotting! As for making yourself a magnet to sexy men, MM can only
suggest you carry a ladies' handbag and wear lots of sparkly jewelry.
Dear Mr. Mickey,
Pretty soon I will be moving out to
Middle-of-Nowhere, Wisconsin, to continue my education. How do I keep up
my gay city attitude and flair while I'm in the hills with trees and
rabbits and boys who have never seen the ocean? And also, am I sort of
demented for choosing to go out there? -- Demented Man
Dear DM,
As a product of the wonderful Midwest himself,
Mr. Mickey believes that all manner of cuteness can be found in
America's heartland. In Wisconsin, there's the politic activism of
Madison, the art museum in Milwaukee, the beefy, closeted gay Green Bay
fans and the lean, muscular Tommy Bartlett Water-Ski Show in Wisconsin
Dells! Mr. Mickey is not one of those only-on-the-coast snobs who thinks
that the only cuteness in America is in NYC or L.A. There are plenty of
cute boys in Great Lakes regions -- they might not be wearing Balmain or
Louis Vuitton, but you'll be peeling off their clothes anyway! Really,
all of us gays in the Naked City could use a trip to the provinces to
get our attitudes in check -- the bitchy queen act feels a bit
pre-economic crash. It's time for a softer, gentler gay. Now go out to
the land of cheese and make friends!
Dear Mr. Mickey,
I'm a retired go-go boy living in New
York City, and the kids love it when I wear sexy, revealing clothes. The
trouble is, lately I've become obsessed with painting on clothes and
doing wild designs on jeans, hoodies and hats. How can I show off my new
looks and still show some skin so the kids are happy to see me? -- Gay J
Dear GJ,
MM knows what it's like to be trapped in a
fashion identity -- many times, if MM isn't sporting a sparkle top,
people come up to him, make sad clown faces and say, "No sparkles?" MM
hates to disappoint his throngs of admirers, but sometimes a girl just
wants to mix it up (or to not be seen in pictures wearing the same
sparkle top for the millionth time!). MM suggests that you take a 50-50
approach to your new fashion look. If you're going to wear one of your
hand-painted numbers on top, then you should wear a sexy hot pant down
south of the border. If you sport a super-styled-up pair of dungarees,
then do a cut-off tank top. That way, you get to show off your new-found
fashion artistry but the horndogs still get an eyeful. Everybody's
happy! And isn't that what fashion is all about?
Mr. Mickey's Look of the Month is highlights from the fabulous Life Ball AIDS benefit in Vienna. Photographs by Patrick McMullan.
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