In the sixth grade, Danielle Mizrahi, this JAP who talked like she was ghetto, ragged on me everyday. I had gotten these high-heeled sparkly jellies from the Gap and she pointed and laughed really loudly, "Payless shoes! You got Payless shoes on!" I took off my shoe and was gonna show her the Gap stamp on the inside -- but it had worn off. So she just laughed even harder.
Lesley Arfin, former "Dear Diary" columnist for Vice magazine, grew up on Long Island and, like me, was in the sixth grade in 1991 and in a dark, lonely place. In her first book, Dear Diary (out this month), we are given complete access to her most private thoughts: everything from how Wendy and Sarah scrawled "BARFIN ARFIN" on the bathroom wall to her downward spiral at age 22 into sex and drugs. She seeks out former frienemies (and later on, drug buddies) and interviews them with questions like "so why didn't you have a crush on me?" Her hilarious "updates" turn painfully sad when she revisits her drug-addled past. She speaks so candidly and, unlike other humorless anti-drug memoirs, lightly about her loss of innocence. But the lessons to be learned still make an impact. All cool parents that don't mind talking about HJs, heroin and saying the word "fuck" a whole lot should absolutely get this for their 15-year-old daughter. Or at least not be mad when they find it in her room. It's Please Kill Me meets Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, and it's as addictively delicious as a tube of Pringles.
Sophie Wise: Was your book supposed to be like Go Ask Alice?
Lesley Arfin: We've been promoting the book to be sort of the "new Go Ask Alice" and a lot of people have been saying that. But that's a compliment!
SW: I always thought that book was written by a sweaty man in his 40s.
LA: Totally. Some Christian Right group wrote it. But reading someone's diary is always pretty good.
SW: There's something so voyeuristic and perverted about it. Actually, I was really nervous to do this interview because I spent the past two days in Lesley-land, and having you in front of me is weird. Do people come up to you and feel like they know you a little too well?
LA: No, it doesn't happen like that. I mean people come up to me and say "girls were so mean to me in the sixth grade!" Other than that, maybe people get freaked out when they read it. People say, "I read your book and it's awesome." But they don't say anything else about it. Which is awkward.
SW: Awkward like when you met Mike D? Once when I was 15 and drunk on Colt 45 I saw him on the corner of Sixth Ave. and 11th. I slapped him a high five. He looked really uncomfortable.
LA: Ha! At least you didn't hug him. I did, told him I loved him, then cried. I was soooo obsessed with the Beastie Boys when I was in eighth grade.
SW: Was it weird having two best friends named Charlene and Darlene?
LA: Those were actually just made up names, but their names rhymed in real life.
SW: Did you change a lot of people's names or just theirs?
LA: Most I changed. Some said they were cool with me using their real names, but I changed them anyway so I could say what I want! I didn't want to embarrass anyone either.
SW: What about some of the bullies, though? You didn't get any pleasure in reporting that Sheryl now works at a Kaplan in Queens?
LA: "Sheryl" is kind of pissed at me, actually. She doesn't think she was represented fairly. Which is true... I mean, she doesn't work at a Kaplan in Queens. She does something really intellectual and complicated with therapy and sports. I thought it was pretty boring so I changed it. I felt bad when I found out she was upset. I guess I didn't realize it came across as insensitive.
RSS