tournament of hotties
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The playing field has now been whittled down to 8 cuties. Scroll down to see who advances to the round of four.

CLICK HERE TO OGLE THE ENTIRE COMPETITIVE FIELD AND SEE WHO WAS PREVIOUSLY ELIMINATED.

LONG HAIR vs. BUZZED HEAD

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Graham Zusi (Winner of Group Long Hair and Midfielder for U.S.) vs. Glen Johnson (Winner of Group Buzzed Heads and Defender for England)

The Match:
At our core, we're more of a buzzed head fan than a #longhairdontcare fan so we're gonna go with our guts on this one and say...

Winner: Glen.


METROSEXUAL vs. TATTOOS

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Eduardo (Winner of Group Metrosexual and Forward for Croatia) vs. Claudio Marchisio (Winner of Group Tattoos and Midfielder for Italy)

The Match:
Metrosexuals weren't a good look the first go-round and they aren't a good look now. Plus, Claudio is a walking cologne ad!

Winner: Claudio.

BEARDS vs. CLEAN SHAVEN

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at 5.38.29 PM.pngGabriel Achilier (Winner of Group Beards and Defender for Ecuador) vs. Robin Van Persie (Winner of Group Clean Shaven and Forward for the Netherlands)

The Match:
Robin looks like a guy who had kids early but who's also got it all figured out. He's got his mortgage on lock, two minivans in the garages and kids in a great Montessori school. Who does he do it all? He's only 35! (He's actually 30.) Gabriel's facial hair is way too sculpted for our tastes -- you know that shit took, like, 40 minutes to prune. Everyone is a little vain about something but c'mon!

Winner:
Robin.

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Panagiotis Kone (Winner of Group Williamsburg Haircut and Midfielder for Greece) vs. Park Chu-young (Winner of Group Hot Guy Next Door and Forward for Korea)

The Match:
[Spoken in a Univision announcer voice:] DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Winner: Panagiotis.
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