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on the front lines of cultural chaos since 1984.

Most Life-changing Safety Demonstration:
This one. Flight attendants typically show passengers how to fasten their seat belts with a blank face, as the entire cabin avoids eye contact and turns up their iPhone volume. This man, however, demanded undivided attention with lines like, "That seatbelt needs to be low and tight across your hips just like the hot pink speedo I'm going to be wearing when I finally get the three of us to a hotel hot tub." Slightly disturbing, but so amazing. -- Justin Moran

Worst Way to Spend $35 Million: Buying this Star Trek-themed mansion. (Unless you're the person who already bought this house, in which case I apologize, and hope you enjoy your dream home.) -- Kate Ramsay

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 4.13.22 PM.pngMost Exciting Pre-Pride Party In NYC: SHADE's big extravaganza this Saturday in a secret Bushwick warehouse. A press release states that "the sheer size and artistic daring of the lights and sound installation will eclipse everything they have done to date." There'll be reps from different club nights on-hand to recreate their parties: NYC's 11:11, XTAPUSSY, GAG, Shock Value, Dizzyland, Bathsaltz, Misster, Club YES, Good Kids, Ova The Rainbow, and Witches of Bushwick. DJs from all over the country will take turns on the decks and highlights include FATHERHOOD (SHADE, 11:11, NYC and Berlin), Jackie House & Josh Cheon (Honey Soundsystem, SF), Harry Cross & Jpeg (Men's Room, Chicago), and Ryan Smith (WRECKED, NYC). For more info head HERE. -- Abby Schreiber

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 3.38.08 PM.pngThe Dumbest App That We Need -- Immediately: 'Yo' the app, which allows you to 'yo' your friends. That's it, yo. Just 'yo'. It already has 1 million dollars from investors...Yo. -- Maggie Dolan

Criminalhottie.jpgBest Use of Photoshop: The Internet's most desired convict looks even more eye-catching dawning one of Lady Gaga's bubblegum pink wigs. "Cause you're a criminal as long as you're mine, I want your love..." Sorry, but we had to. -- J.M.

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 10.55.25 AM.pngScreen Shot 2014-06-20 at 10.59.13 AM.pngScreen Shot 2014-06-20 at 11.03.16 AM.pngScreen Shot 2014-06-20 at 11.04.34 AM.pngScreen Shot 2014-06-20 at 11.19.58 AM.pngAnd, Speaking Of Which, the Best (Worst?) FB Comments About Dreamy Convict:
See above. Yikes. -- A.S.

Most Likely to Succeed:
Pop newcomer Ferras is the first official signee to Katy Perry's new record label, and the result is impeccable. Subtly sexy and flooded with '80s synths, "Speak In Tongues" is begging to be the anthem for a romantic summer fling. -- J.M.


Worst Reason To Go To The UK (But We're Putting it On Our List Of Things To Do In Britain Anyway):
British McDonald's. Here's a clip of a bunch of Americans sampling McDonald's 'American-themed' special menu items found only in the the UK. -- K.R. 

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Most Important Summer Staple: Bobby Abley's Ursula pullover. If you're anything like me, you grew up dreaming of the day you'd wake up as an overweight octopus with incredible makeup in the coolest underwater dungeon. This is the closest we'll ever get to that fantasy. -- J.M.


Best Music Cover of the Week: Sam Smith's beautiful, haunting rendition of Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know." -- A.S.
 
Most Amazing Performance You May Have Missed This Week: Paper Nightlife Award Winner Contessa Stuto gave an aggressive performance of "Reign In Ratchet" at Melissa Burns' Club Yes. party at Le Bain this past Wednesday. "If you're on the roof right now, you're not fucking from New York," she screamed before finishing the guitar-trap single completely topless. -- J.M.

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 3.58.22 PM.pngThe Most Emotional Menswear Runway (Thus Far): Craig Green's solo debut in London. The Fashion East graduate showed by himself for the first time and his creative meditation on 'zen' and 'purity' had front rowers in tears. The Cult of Craig is coming! -- M.D.

Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 4.16.30 PM.pngLeast Sexy Sex Toy: Teddy Love, the teddy bear sex toy that "provides pleasure through dual, vibrating mechanisms in Teddy's nose and tongue." It's gotta be the first sex toy that's guaranteed to completely destroy your sex life. -- J.M.


Best Courtney Love interview of the Week: Never, ever a dull interview, Mariah Carey BFF Courtney Love was interviewed in a Google Hangout by Noah Levy of Vh1's The Gossip Table and they talked about it all: Lindsay Lohan, addiction, celebrity, Cameron Diaz saying she didn't set out to be famous (yet totally setting out to be famous). Love it when Courtney dishes like this. --Elizabeth Thompson

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Best Selfie 2.0: Susan Sarandon shared the film still of her and Geena Davis taking a selfie in Thelma and Louise with a reunited version on her Facebook page this week and it's glorious. Look at their skin! -- M.D.
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