1. We open with Lindsay's assistant, who is always in a three-piece suit no matter what, saying that he'll jump if they don't get her into a SoHo apartment that day. And you believe Lindsay Lohan's assistant when he says something like that, because one cannot imagine the daily fresh horrors of handling a newly sober, sabotage-prone celebrity who is struggling with a fading spotlight. The hotel needs her room -- a title card tells us she's been living there for 47 days -- and there's some hard-to-follow issue with the lease being held up. Lindsay finally gets the lease and signs it, but refuses to be on camera. She is still sleeping at 2:30 in the afternoon and won't come out of her bedroom to film. Nothing could go wrong on this episode!
2. Lindsay Lohan is super broke. It turns out Lohan's lease is being held because she doesn't have the checks to put down the necessary deposits and security fee on the apartment.The production company that produces Lindsay's OWN reality show is, in fact, footing the bill. Hearing about Lohan refusing to film that morning, they take the checks back holding them as contingency until she snaps into order. Lohan gives in, agreeing to comply with the filming schedule and assuring the head of the production company that she'll show up going forward and can be trusted. This is where OWN gets some credit for its handling of this show and its attempt to portray Lohan's shitstorm of a life as candidly as possible, and there's something refreshing about a network being open about the fact that it is using an erratic former child star to make its money as much as she is using it.
3. As we were reminded by her sober coach last week, one of Lohan's biggest triggers is feeling taken advantage of. But, what's worse, as we see in her refusal to come out of her room until 4 p.m., is that Lohan takes advantage of others first. She's her own worst enemy, and though it's not easy to feel sorry for her, you still do.
4. Dina Lohan gets a DUI during filming, which Lohan takes in stride. "She'll get a bunch of attorneys," Lohan explains to the camera matter-of-factly as she's doing her make up, foregoing a glaring opportunity for some self introspection or commentary on the cycle of family substance abuse.
5. Though most of the world is pretty clued in at this point that Lohan was raised by wolves, we get that re-affirmed with a cameo by Michael Lohan, who we watch have an uncomfortable dinner with his oldest daughter. Michael can't afford an expensive car promised to Lohan's youngest brother, Cody, so Lindsay says she'll pay for it. With what money, considering her difficulties getting an apartment, is unclear. And how Michael, in turn, has the money to pay for this car is also unclear. But here, you see a clear picture of a girl who has had to step up when her parents couldn't and take care of the rest of the family. Michael tells the cameras that it was Dina who cut him out of his children's lives when they needed their father, which is definitely a thing that a parent who only wants the best for their children and takes responsibility for the trauma he's caused in their lives, says.
6. As with the debut, we see the extent to which Lohan has to deal with paparazzi, who chase her through Manhattan on scooters and bikes. "They keep creating stories for us to chase," one photographer rationalizes for the camera. "They just keep failing." The whole thing makes you want to lie down in a dark room.
7. We meet Lohan's life coach, a woman named AJ Johnson who says she's "had the pleasure of working with pharmaceutical companies" as well as "poltical dignitaries," among other high-profile clients. Lohan meets her in her office, where she has her participate in some freshman dorm move-in-day ice breakers, rattling off rapid-fire getting to know you questions like "ocean or pool," "light or dark," "yes or no," and so on and so on. It's a great thing that this woman is being paid by the OWN network and not Lohan, because, no. Later, AJ leads Lohan in some boring 'fun mom' fitness routines that she encourages her to make "sexy." Come on, just get her some private spin lessons and call it a day, OWN. It felt cruel and unusual.
8. In one of the more poignant moments from the episode, Lohan describes sobriety as "like studying for a test," in which avoiding triggers must be reinforced constantly. "At the end of the day, I didn't want to stay sober," says Lohan. "It's very easy for me to forget that."
9. After much back and forth, she finally gets the keys to her SoHo apartment. We see a rare moment of likeability from a CSI-loving Lohan as she's standing on her new deck with some friends. "I was just home watching my CSI Vegas, trying to solve the mysteries," she gushes. "When I had this weird feeling I should pack."