lupitaglobespredictions.jpg1. Most Likely to be the Fashion World's "Best Dressed" of the Night But Confuse Everyone Else: 12 Years a Slave's Lupita Nyong'o, fashion's favorite new red carpet star and "Best Supporting Actress" nominee.

george-clooney-sandra-bullock-dating-mkLEvV-lgn.jpg2. Man Most Likely to Whisper Into Sandy Bullock's Ear Multiple Time In the Evening and Shout Something at Tom Hanks on Stage: George Clooney. Duh.

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 4.23.10 PM.png3. Related: Nominee Most Likely to Show Up Shirtless, Wearing Only a Red Scarf Around His Neck: Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros frontman Alex Ebert, who's nominated for "Best Original Score - Motion Picture" for All Is Lost.

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 4.23.59 PM.png4. Show That's Mostly Likely to Win For 'Best TV Series, Musical or Comedy' Because the Hollywood Foreign Press Loves to Torture Us:
Modern Family, which will probably beat out Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn 99 and Girls.

bazinga-with-sheldon-tshirt-logo-hr.jpg5. Person Who We're Sure Is a Perfectly Wonderful Human Being But Will Most Likely Not Win For 'Performance By an Actor In a Television Series - Musical or Comedy,' Because COME ON, IT'S TIME TO LET SOMEONE ELSE HAVE A TURN ON THE SWINGSET: Jim Parsons for the Big Bang Theory

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 4.27.26 PM.png6. Nominee Most Likely to Have a Sally 'They Really Like Me" Fields Moment:
Bruce Dern who's nominated for "Best Actor" for his role in Nebraska. At 77-years-old it's Dern's first Globe nod despite a successful career.

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 4.28.27 PM.png7. "Rivalry" That Will Most Likely End (We Hope) In a Kiss When One of Them Wins: Matt Damon and Michael Douglas'. Both actors have been nominated for "Best Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie" for Behind the Candelabra, which was so, so great and should win all the awards goddammit.

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 4.42.01 PM.png8. Biggest Movie Star Who Pretends She Doesn't Care About Being a Movie Star  and Just Wants to Paddle Board into the Sunset in Hawaii on the Reg But Will Totally Be Like, "I'm Back, Bitches!" When She Wins: Julia Roberts, who's nominated for "Best Supporting Actress" for August: Osage County.

9. Most Obnoxious Cut-Away of Celebrities Table-Hopping to Be Shown During the First Commercial Break: Bono and George Clooney, huddling around the Wolf of Wall Street Table, glad-handing with Leonardo and Marty.

orphanblack_thumbnail_01_web1.jpg10. Question to Be Repeated Most at Your Golden Globes Party: What's Orphan Black?

jtimbllewyndavis.jpg11. Celebrity You Will Forgot Was In a Movie This Year: Justin Timberlake, who has like 5 minutes of screen time in Inside Llewyn Davis. (Timberlake also has a songwriting credit for Inside Llewyn Davis' "Please Mr. Kennedy," nominated for Best Original Song - Motion Picture.)

Screen Shot 2014-01-08 at 3.08.35 PM.png12. Celebrity Who Will Not Bring His Inappropriate Girlfriend to the Golden Globes: This is a toss-up between Bradley Cooper, dating 22-year-old Suki Waterhouse, and Joaquin Phoenix, but we're going with Phoenix. He'll come stag and be stone-faced/miserable in every cutaway.