TV
fan fiction
Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 2.55.25 PM.png1. Dave Franco

With his good looks and gentlemanly charm, Franco would make the perfect old money, Upper East Side 'good guy' Shosh has probably always dreamed of. After a chance meeting at The Met (they took each other's umbrellas), Franco falls hard for Shoshonna's endearing neuroses but plays games with her poor, sock-bunned head. With him, Shosh feels like she's fulfilling all her Mr. Big and Carrie Bradshaw fantasies but ultimately she's still torn between the handsome douchbaggery of Dave Franco and that of her first love, Ray. Who will she choose?!?!?

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 2.57.17 PM.png2. Rory Culkin

While continuing to battle her quarter-life crisis, Marnie runs into Culkin, a scenester photographer with a penchant for pedophile glasses, tattoos and plaid shirts, at a new nightclub opening in Chinatown. Culkin creepily convinces a drunk and deluded Marnie that she missed her model calling and she agrees to pose for him. After inviting her over to his 'studio' for a photo shoot, Culkin seduces her and they start a pseudo-relationship that comes crashing down after he sells pictures of Marnie -- wearing only a pair of tube socks -- to American Apparel.

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 2.58.45 PM.png3. Bryan Greenberg

To the delight of the six people (ourselves included) who watched How to Make It In America, Greenberg's Ben Epstein returns to HBO. Since last we saw Ben, CRISP has taken off...sort of (it's sold on Karmaloop but nowhere else). Eager to get the brand sold in more stores, he hires Jessa (who's recently decided to moonlight as an "anti-fashion publicist") to represent them. Not surprisingly, Jessa has no idea what she's doing but manages to sweet talk her way into getting CRISP sold at a VFILES-esque boutique. The two go out to celebrate, get piss drunk, sleep together, and never speak -- or work -- together again. Sad clown.   

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 2.53.31 PM.png4. Kumail Nanjiani

Nanjiani is Teddy, a Greenpointer who decamps to Rockaway Beach come summer to surf and flip burgers at Rippers. He gives Hannah and Shoshana free frozen sangrias and he and Hannah make out later that night at a timeshare house party. While they're getting busy, Shoshanna spends nearly an hour trying to parallel park their Zipcar, leading to a meltdown and a tearful admission that she wants Ray back.


jennyshimizugirls.jpg5. Jenny Shimizu

On her first assignment for Grub Street, Hannah heads to a trendy new restaurant in Gowanus and falls under the spell of its owner, an up-and-coming butcher (sorry) played by Jenny Shimizu. Naturally Hannah awkwardly freaks out at Shimizu's confident come-ons but simultaneously wonders whether she should embark on a lesbian relationship with Shimizu "for the experience." Deciding to go for it, Hannah accompanies Shimizu to the New York City Wine and Food Festival, where they're snapped by a Page Six photographer. Hannah's ego gets bruised when she sees her name has been omitted in the gossip story and has instead been captioned as Shimizu's "unknown lover." Predictably, the short-lived relationship combusts after this event when Hannah begins to freak out that she's doomed to forever be an "anonymous lesbian."

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 3.08.45 PM.png6. Oscar Isaac

Reprising his Llewyn Davis beard, Isaac plays the newest barista at Cafe Grumpy and has a season-long "will they or won't they"-type relationship with Hannah. Their flirtation culminates with Isaac groping Hannah's ass in one of the bathrooms before an angry customer (a cameo by David Hyde Pierce) interrupts their idyll by banging on the door.

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 3.22.51 PM.png7. Bobby Cannavale

Bobby Cannavale gets to fulfill his Girls fantasy by playing a handsome physical therapist named Paul, who offers to fix up an insurance-less Hannah off the books after she pulls a hamstring in a Soul Cycle class Shoshanna dragged her to. He also moonlights as a team doctor for the Nets. He and Hanna do it in the steam room.

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 3.17.24 PM.png8. Ezra Koenig

Koenig plays a "grown mahhhn" named Zeke Rothman who fronts a buzzy Brooklyn band called Werewolf Mondays. He flirts with Marnie one night after she and Hannah catch his band playing at a Williamsburg DIY space and invites the two girls to hang out with him in their dressing room. All goes well until he makes an unseemly pass at Marnie who becomes deeply uncomfortable. Fortunately the situation is defused when Hannah barfs in one of the dressing room's garbage cans after eating too much garlic hummus and honey roasted peanuts left over from the band's rider. 

Screen Shot 2014-01-06 at 3.18.28 PM.png9. Taylor Kitsch

Along with Zoe Kravitz, Taylor Kitsch plays one-half of a spiritual, polyamorous couple who's looking for a "third" to join their relationship. The two become impressed with Jessa's downward dog at one of Yoga to the People's candlelit classes and invite her for dinner at their apartment. After revealing their unorthodox lifestyle, an intrigued Jessa starts dating Kitvitz but everything goes awry when Zoe, fueled by jealously, starts binging on vices like an 18-year-old college freshman.

Ludacris_girls.JPG10. Ludacris

Playing against type, Luda appears as the bookish manager of a Rough Trade-esque Brooklyn record store where he woos Jessa with his impressive knowledge of UK noise bands. The two go out for beers at an East Williamsburg dive but Jessa quickly loses interest when she learns he rides a segway.
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