Best Long-Form Diss of Bansky: Jerry Saltz's ratings of each piece that Banksy has done in NYC, featuring our new favorite phrase, "Take your millions and fuck off, turd." -- M.K.
Day-um of the Week: The Washington Post's bizarrely hostile evisceration of Arcade Fire's new album, Refelektor. The lede: "Look, I'm sure they're very nice people, but on their fourth album, "Reflektor," Arcade Fire still sound like gigantic dorks with boring sex lives." Burn! --Elizabeth Thompson
Best Bette Midler Moment, Maybe Ever: Bette Mildler gushing to Katie Couric about making everyone's favorite Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus:
"Oh, I love it. I love it. We made at before the tidal wave of Halloween happened. Now it's like huge. It's huge. Kids, grown-ups, everyone takes part in it. This movie was kind of like the beginning of the wave. We had a great time making it. It was Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker and I and we laughed the whole time ... we just had the best time."Why isn't there a behind-the-scenes documentary of this?!?!? -- M.K.
Best Revelation of the Week: That Barack Obama was kind of like, "Ugh, Bill Clinton. Someone put a cork in that guy," during his first term, even once begging aides to come to a dinner he was supposed to have with Prez Billy Jeff to serve as buffers. All this is revealed in a new re-telling of the 2012 presidential election, Double Down. -- E.T.
Insultiest Insult of the Week: James Blake was announced as "James Blunt," he of god-awful "You're Beautiful" fame, when he received the prestigious UK music award the Mercury Prize earlier this week. -- E.T.
Most Annoying Thing James Franco Did This Week: Talking Vice into letting him write a piece alllll about how Spring Breakers was the best thing ever. -- M.K.
Biggest Morons of the Week: Designer Alessandro Dell'Acqua and his pals, who dressed up like this for a Milan Halloween party with the theme "Disco Africa." Everyone in this photo can kindly drive off a cliff in a clown car. Thank you. --E.T.
Best Halloween Costume of the Week: Edgar Allan Ho.-- E.T.
Best Cat-Related News: the new edition of the Kittendales Calendar, which combines hot men and cute kittens, has finally arrived. -- M.K.