Yesterday, news came out that James Franco would be getting his very own television show on the Ovation Network in which he shows viewers...himself. (Or rather all of the shit he accomplishes.) Herewith, we present the Top 10 things we hope make it into the "anthology docuseries."
1. James Franco spooning a phallic-looking crystal as part of the Abramović Method.
2. James Franco walking to his mailbox with an application to the University of Chicago's comparative literature PhD program in his hand, then realizing that's he's just kind of 'over' the whole academia thing and walking back inside.
3. James Franco filming a pile of dildos and pocket pussies falling in slow motion into a vat of melted vanilla ice cream, uploading it to JamesFrancoTV.com, hitting the hay with a sense of accomplishment.
4. James Franco sitting in the corner of a leather bar, "doing research for a project," and fake-texting the entire time.
5. James Franco sitting inside Columbia University's Butler library, working on his next poetry chapbook on his laptop but, when the camera pans to the computer screen, you see he's just on Tumblr.
6. James Franco attending an art opening and asking Terence Koh if they could take a selfie together.
7. James Franco tenderly staring at his reflection in a mirror and giving it a peck.
8. James Franco giving a guest lecture on queer relationships among Civil War veterans at NYU's Gallatin School.
9. James Franco working on an art installation at The Hole inspired by the Tumblr "Hot-Dog Legs".
10. James Franco filming a homoerotic One Direction parody video for "Best Song Ever" in which he plays Zayn, Harry and Niall and his doll plays Louis and Liam.
We will always love you, Jimmy F!