Where the Boys Are

The eternal question. The original spring break-blowout movie, this 1960 gem starred Connie Francis, Yvette Mimiex and Dolores Hart ,who later became a nun. It also features George Hamilton, Frank Gorshin and Jim Hutton, father of Timothy -- a real star-studded affair. It might have been progressive at the time to do things from a female point of view, but now it's just a movie about girls looking to land a husband and saying things like "my ambition is to be a walking, talking baby factory."
Rating: 2 out 5 unflattering bathing suits


Where the Boys Are '84

Allan Carr, caftan-wearing producer of Grease 2 and Can't Stop the Music (the Village People movie), brought us this hypnotic train wreck starring ice skater Lynn Holly-Johnson, Lorna Luft and Lisa Hartman, star of disastrous Bewtiched spin-off, Tabatha. The 2:55 mark in the clip above is magic.
Rating: 3 out 5 unflattering bathing suits

29se.xlarge1.jpgAnother Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild
Why should the straights have all the embarrassing spring break fun? This nugget features gay icons like RuPaul, Lady Bunny, Amanda Lepore and reality star-turned-nurse-turned-accidental-go-go-boy, Will Wikle.
Rating: 3 out of 5 butt plugs


Screen shot 2013-03-15 at 3.50.19 PM.pngGuys Gone Wild: Dude, Where's My Pants?
We're not fans of the Girls Gone Wild franchise or its founder Joe Francis, but this movie, which features straight muscle-types on spring break showing off their pumped-up pecks, puts the satin on our panties. With a title like this, how could we not get behind it 100%?
Rating: 4 out of 5 butt plugs

Screen shot 2013-03-15 at 3.55.17 PM.pngSpring Break Lawyer
It stars Busy Phillips. We're there.
Rating: 2 out 5 unflattering bathing suits


 
Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise
One of Bradley Whitford's proudest cinematic achivements.
Rating: 2 out 5 unflattering bathing suits


Jeepers Creepers

The kids in this movie are on their way home for spring break vacation when they encounter a felsh-eating monster in a creepy abandoned town. But spring break! Woo!
Rating: 2 out of 5 Justin Longs screaming "go, go, go!"


The Beach Girls

Not officially a spring break movie, but it stars former Real Housewives of Orange County star Jeana Tomasina (aka Jeana Keough). So there's that!
Rating: 5 out of 5 unflattering bathing suits



Spring Break

Your classic tale of terrible, horny knuckleheads looking to get shitfaced and laid in the Florida sun. God bless America.
Rating: 3 out of 5 unflattering bathing suits

spring_breakdown05-1-thumb-630x420-34137.jpg
Spring Breakdown
It's unfair to include this straight-to-DVD jewel in this cavalcade of caca, because it truly transcends the genre. Comedy queens Rachel Dratch, Parker Posey and Amy Poehler are three mid-level career gals who go on vacation and end up knee-deep in spring break mayhem.  
Rating: 5 out of 5 banana hammocks



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