Cockiest Douche of the Week: Lance Armstrong appearing on Oprah -- Mr. Mickey
Best Tweet of the Week: Kelly Cutrone (@peoplesrev) who tweeted, "This Lance Armstrong scandal feels longer than Jessica Simpson's first pregnancy." -- M.M.
Best Discovery of the Week: That Scott Disick used to model for teen romance novel covers. -- Abby Schreiber
Best Headline of the Week: "Republicans Accuse Obama of Using Position as President to Lead Country." -- Elizabeth Thompson
Worst Spoiler of the Week: The whole Manti Te'o story means now I'll never see Catfish. -- Jonah Wolf
Worst Part of the Week: Seeing dummies I grew up with in Arizona crowing on Facebook about their gun rights. GABBY GIFFORDS. GABBY GIFFORDS. GABBY GIFFORDS. -- E.T.
Best Cocktail I Had All Week: The Px Puko (Coconut) at Pig & Khao, made with Px sherry, fresh young coconut water and whiskey barrel bitters. And it comes in a frickin' coconut, people! -- A.S.
Weirdest Underpants of the Week: Versace's lace manties -- E.T.
Best Use of Strobe Light: The "Triskaidekaphobia" performance at Parade Ground -- J.W.
Best Trump Shut-Down of the Week: Goes to Deadspin. A million times Deadspin. -- E.T.